Not That They'll Listen

Advice for the newbie law kids. And good advice, too. I can't say that I really disagree with anything that he says, not even the part about not dating your section mates. At least wait until 2L, when you won't necessarily have to share classroom air and space with someone who you regret letting you see in any sort of...deshabille. I would only add this: do a clinic, preferably one in an area that sounds interesting, but one in an area that you may or may not want to specialize in later will do. Despite having interned in a small firm-- getting lots and lots of hands on experience-- I feel completely unprepared to practice law, not because I don't understand the law (I think I do, or at least I know where to go to find help and answers), but because I have no practical skills to speak of.

But then, I wouldn't have believed any of this before I started law school. Funny how people tend to insist on making their own mistakes, even when they're the same mistakes countless others have made before.

Oh, wait! I would also add this: law school goes by in the blink of an eye. Don't waste the three years, but don't feel like you have to excel at everything. You've got long careers ahead of you, and plenty of time to continue learning. Take your opportunities wherever and whenever they come along-- and they will come along in the most unexpected places.

Holy Crap, I'm a Doctor!

I was never really into the whole idea of walking at graduation. I walked in high school, which meant less than nothing to me, but was very important to my parents. I walked again in college, which was of inordinate importance to me. I went to both ceremonies: the one for the whole enormous university, where they announced entire colleges at once ("School of Engineering"-- all the engineering grads stood up-- "College of Arts and Sciences"-- all the liberal arts graduates stood up, etc.), as well as the "smaller" one for just the students in my college at the university, where they called us up by name. Several thousand students graduated at the same time, so it was a mad house. I was totally into it, though, in part because I was the first person in my family to graduate from college, and in part because I had to work so freaking hard just to finish.

Law school graduation not only seemed utterly unimportant to me, I was actually dreading going through with the ceremony. I tenatively broached the idea of not walking back in the fall, and my mother was so upset, I knew I had to go through with it. I'm still the only one to finish college-- though my sister is about to finish a certificate program in office management, and I have a cousin who went to nursing school, and her younger sister just started college this fall. My finishing law school is a huge deal to them, sort of the culmination of their deepest hopes and dreams that I would be able to acheive higher things than they had the opportunity for.

So I sucked it up and rented the cap and gown, cleaned my apartment, and borrowed an air mattress from Ash. Friday afternoon, while I was waiting for my family to decend on my peaceful apartment, I decided to press my gown. When I took the stuff out of the package, I found that I had been given the wrong size cap, so I thought it might be a good idea to try on the robe and make sure I had the right size. I stood in front of my full length dressing mirror and put the robe on. And I looked at myself, standing there with the velvet stripes and it hit me: I am a doctor.

I mean, yeah, it's not that kind of doctor. But still! I am now the proud holder of the degree of Juris Doctor.

After the shock of discovering that I have not been sitting in classes for the past three years for nothing, I decided to deal with the whole cap thing by calling one of the deans. No messing around for me! And I was assured that they would have a smaller cap for me, all I had to do was come and find them up by the stage about 15 minutes before the ceremony started.

When we arrived at the hall on Saturday, the lawn was filled with people wandering around with their caps and gowns on, squealing and pointing and taking pictures, and generally in high excitement. I had left my camera at home because what on earth was I going to do with it during the ceremony? but I regretted it because I really wanted to take pictures of myself with my friends. I got to meet the Dirty Birdie's parents, and they were so cute I wanted to die. Unfortunately, I didn't get to stay and chat with them because the dean was not where she said she would be, and I needed a cap that wouldn't fall off my head.

I finally tracked down the dean's Administrative Assistant, who guided me to a small box with spare caps in it-- all of which, except for one, were the exact same size as the too big one I had been given. What. The. Hell? Why have all the same size if you're supposed to be taking care of mistakes made by Herff Jones? I ended up bobby pinning the stupid cap on.

And then we were lined up in alphabetical order in the hallways, smothering in the robes, and waiting impatiently for everything to start. I realized that I really had to pee. But there wasn't time for that anymore, so I'd just have to suffer. The line started to shuffle forward and suddenly, there we were at the door to the auditorium. I could hear the sounds of Pomp and Circumstance in the distance. As I stepped over the threshold, I saw a sea of faces, all turned to watch us walking down the aisle, taking pictures, flashes going off all over the place, and I almost stopped short because it was a little scary. Is that what it's like to walk down the aisle at your wedding? Because I'm not sure I want to do it, ever again.

The ceremony itself was quite nice, though the dean-- a novice at this Commencement thing-- kept forgetting to stay close to the microphone during her speeches, and the class president gave a speech memorable for its inanity and illogical structure and phrasing. The commencement speaker was excellent, one of the best I've ever heard, making my record two for three (Bill Cobsy gave the speech at my undergraduate Commencement and was phenomenal).

And then came the hooding ceremony. I hadn't bothered to read up on the ceremony beforehand, despite being advised to do so by the dean. I figured it wouldn't be too difficult to wing it. So I was mildly surprised by the fact that you face the audience while being hooded, though I kind of liked the symbolism of it, once I got used to it. Of the three professors doing the hooding, I had been in classes with two of them and liked them both very much, so I was hoping to be hooded by one of them. Unfortunately, that was not to be. I was hooded by the former dean of the law school, who I am told is a very nice man and a great scholar, but who I do not know and have never actually spoken to. Then I walked across the stage to have my hand shaken by several people I didn't know, plus the dean and associate dean.

Back in my seat, sitting next to the girl I sat next to in first semester Legal Process, being strangled by my hood, I watched a parade of faces go by, almost all of them familiar. A few of them, I'd forgotten about ("Hey, look! Gilligan graduated after all! I thought he'd transferred!"). A few of them, I won't be too sad not to see again. Soulless Evil Goblin was the queen of tacky when she came forward to be hooded, and the Queen Bee had both colored and straightened her hair, making her look like Tammy Faye Scarecrow. But mostly, there were people I laughed with, worked with, sweated through exams with, complained about the administration with, and shared this intense experience with. People I spent more time with over the past three years than my best friend or my family.

And then the Dean presented us, the Class of 2006, to the audience. We stood together while our families and friends applauded. I felt a lump in my throat as I realized the enormity of what we'd accomplished and also realized that this was the last time we'd ever be gathered together like that. All of these people who had gathered together in the Courtroom less than three years ago for Orientation were standing together one last time for Graduation.

Circle of life and all.

We took pictures on the front lawn, me sweltering in my gown, but unwilling, really, to take it off. I wanted so badly to take pictures with Dirty Birdie, but in the crush of things, I couldn't find her, and the opportunity was lost. Finally, when almost everyone had gone to the reception, I turned in my cap and gown and my hood. It was really hard to give up that hood. I don't understand why we didn't get to keep it, or at least didn't get the option to buy it. Not that I know what I'd do with it.

And that was it. I'm officially Katze, J.D. And I have to study for the bar exam.

At church on Sunday, one of the professors from the law school came up to congratulate me and said "Isn't it a dirty trick they play, making you take the bar exam after you've graduated?" Yes, in fact, it is. The dirtiest trick there is, if you ask me.

Law School Wrap Up, Part I

Courses Under My Legal Belt
Contracts
Torts
Legal Process (known in every normal law school as "Civil Procedure I)
Criminal Law
Legal Research and Writing
Criminal Procedure
Constitutional Law
Civil Procedure (known in every normal law school as "Civil Procedure II")
Property
Comparative Legal Cultures
Conflicts of Law
Adoption Law
Evidence
Federal Income Tax
International Law
Copyright Law
Trademark Law
European Union Law
Family Law
International Dispute Resolution
Business Organizations
Immigration Law
Mental Health Law
Commercial Transactions
Spanish for Lawyers I
Spanish for Lawyers II
Estates and Trusts
Legal Profession (aka Ethics)
Education Law
Elder Law
Legal Research Practicum (or something like that: basically I worked as an unpaid research assistant and got credit for it.)
Swedish 5
Swedish 6

By The Numbers

Number of courses in which I got a grade that wasn't a B: between 11 and 15, depending on how this semester's exams turn out.

Number of courses for which I received zero credits toward my J.D.: 2

Weeks of classes: 90

Weeks of exams: 12

Total weeks of class missed due to pneumonia: 3.5

Total weeks I attended classes while battling pneumonia: 3

Number of pieces that have broken on my laptop (including little doors, keys, and any "dings"): 84,505

Number of times I've had to replace the AC Adapter due to a defect in the manufacture that Sony refuses to acknowledge: 3

Minutes that my laptop battery currently holds a charge: between 15 and 25

Time spent working on write-on competition for law review: 10 minutes, tops.

Time spent regretting not participating: 2 seconds, tops.

Value of free samples obtained from Student Health Clinic for treatment and prevention of various things: approximately $700, or about three times what I paid in student health fees.

Value of free food scrounged from various law school events: approximately not nearly as much as I paid in overpriced tuition.

Times I moved (including the original move to Our Fair City): 3

Number of times I had a breakdown of some sort over exams: 1. The damned Rule Against Perpetuities just would not go in my head, no matter how many times I reviewed or how many practice problems I did. Of course, maybe it was because I just didn't have the right professor for it.

Over. Done. Finite.

I have just completed my last official bit of law school classes.

It's freaking me out, man.

The End is Near

This is my last week of law school.

One week is all that’s left. One week, then finals, and I’m ABB (All But the Bar). I can’t really wrap my mind around that.

I didn’t join in the registration madness. I haven’t been cruising by the Registrar’s Office eighteen times a day to check for course changes or to look at enrollment numbers for the classes I’m considering adding or to ponder what alternative would be the best between two horrible sounding classes that fit my schedule when nothing else will. Several of my 2L and 1L friends asked for my advice in selecting classes, which was fine—after all, I begged for advice when doing my own registration, but it was strange to be giving advice and not asking for any for myself. Several times over the course of the past few weeks, one or another of them has glanced up from an elaborate chart showing times and days of meeting times or a long list of options for scheduling their semester and absently asked me what classes I’m taking next year. (I usually answer “The Bar”, even though I’m actually taking the Bar this year.) (Maybe I should stop saying that before I jinx myself into failing and end up actually taking the Bar next year, too.) It’s very strange to me that Ash and War and Death will all still be here, doing the school thing, going to classes, eating lunch in the student lounge, taking off in the middle of the day to get coffee at Caribou... and I have no idea where I’ll be or what I’ll be doing.

How strange is it that I am already leaving law school? The past three years have gone far, far faster than my time as an undergraduate went. The four and a half years that I spent at University seemed to take an eternity; I felt like I would never, ever finish. Instead, I would go straight from living off the government via Stafford Loans to living off the government via Social Security. Law school seems to have barely started yesterday.

Maybe it’s because of the major changes that have occurred in my life since I started. Looking back at who I was and what I thought was true and what I wanted from life back in August 2003, I barely recognize that person as being me. I’m much, much happier on the whole, but I’m also much angrier. It’s a wonderful world, yes, but there are some really crummy people running the show and a lot of people live their lives like brainwashed sheep, just so long as the really bad things happen to someone else. I feel both a little disillusioned about my ability to make an impact and optimistic about making the world a better place. I’ve reconsidered my views on a lot of things: the role of the courts vs. the role of the legislature... love and marriage... where I want to live... abortion... health care... parenting... how important owning a home is to me... what kind of life I want to lead... Some things I've changed my mind about, some things I've become more firmly convincced of, some things I've shifted on just a little.

I thought that law school would teach me to think more effectively about the big issues, but to be honest, I don’t feel like that happened. Maybe I just can’t see it because it was so incremental. I don’t feel anymore able to understand the intricacies of health care policy or foreign affairs than I did before I started law school. I joke with my friends that law school has actually made me stupider, that reading case law has caused me some sort of brain damage. Maybe I just feel stupider because now I’m more acutely aware of how complex some of these things really are?

The thing that I liked most about law school was the interaction with lots of other smart people around my age. This was a new experience for me, and I’ll really miss that day-in, day-out dialogue (and I really struggled to find a less buzz-wordy way to put it, but I’ve failed). For every blowhard talking over everyone else in the room to make sure that we all know how expensive his fancy mountain bike (that he can’t possibly ever use) cost, there’s someone who makes you laugh hysterically over a dryly witty commentary on the latest stupidity propagated by our esteemed legislators, or someone who knows you’ve had a bad day and brings you a piece of chocolate to cheer you up.

What I won’t miss is the constant one-upmanship. (Though I suppose I shouldn’t expect to leave that behind). I hate that ultra competitive crap.

There’s a lot to get done in the next week, and I’m feeling the stress of it. But it still doesn’t seem real to me. How is it possible that I’m going to walk across the stage and get my J.D. in just a few weeks? And how on Earth am I going to get my apartment cleaned up before my mother gets here for Graduation?

My Mom Will Be SO Proud

I just got my MPRE scores-- and I PASSED! In fact, I did far better than I expected to do, well enough that I could take the bar in New York if I so chose.



I just cannot tell you how relieved I am by this. All of my friends warned me that they left the test feeling certain that they'd failed, but then passed anyway. I knew that. But some part of me was still certain that I'd failed. It wouldn't be the end of the world to fail the MPRE, really. I'd just take it again in August and study harder than I did before this administration. But it would still have been really, really embarrassing to have to tell my mom that I failed the Ethics Bar.

Practice Tips

My professor was rather generous in doling out the tips for practicing law in the real world today:

"A trust terminates at the death of the principle. Usually. Zombies are kind of a grey area."

"If you go into this field, one day you’ll find yourself at a hospital, pounding out a will for someone. This is why you need a portable printer: your client may not have time for you to go back to the office and come back with the printed document. Just plug it in and grind it out, right there in the hospital room."

I Am Just Full of Good Ideas

Someone should suggest this to next year's SBA.

Instead of subsidizing the Law School Prom, how about if they take just a fraction of that money and hire someone to clean the refrigerators and microwaves? Say once a week, maybe twice. Institute a policy of "Fridges will be emptied on Saturday at 12 p.m. (for example), then let that person come in, dump everything that's left over the weekend, wipe it all out with some antibacterial cleaner, nuke a couple of bowls of vinegar in the microwaves, wipe out the softened gunk, then clean them our with the same antibacterial cleanser. There's surely some student desperate for money who would be willing to do it, and if someone took care of it on a regular basis, they wouldn't get to the toxic conditions (and I only wish that were hyperbole) that they stay at now. Say $25 a week, times 34 weeks (15 weeks per semester plus two weeks of exams) would come to $850 a year. Surely SBA could come up with that kind of cash for something that would benefit the entire student body?

Overheard

Introducing the concept of guardianship, the professor explains how the concept came about. This involves a quick summary of feudalism. This particular professor has been on a bit of a creative kick lately, drawing intricate stick figures on the board to illustrate his lectures, and crafts a chart showing Kings and Queens, Barons, Dukes, Knights, and Serfs, then comments:

“There were even worse people than the serfs.” Pause. “They were called “Irish”.

Apropos Malaprop

During a discussion on Medicare, the talk turns to the philosophical reasons behind the creation of the Medicare system. One member of the class posits that it is complementary to the employment based system of providing health insurance for younger workers:
“Otherwise, they would be extruded from the system when they leave the workforce.”

Sounds painful. And also seems like a very apt description of our method of doling out health care to anyone who isn’t lucky enough to get health insurance from his employer.

The Age Old Dilemma

I don't know why I thought this semester was going to be easy just because I'm only carrying three classes. I've spent more hours at school this semester than last, when I carried twice the courseload. First, there was the auction. Now, we're getting ready to award this year's grants. I started my unpaid research assistant position just before the auction, and it's taking a lot of my time. And now I've also accepted a paid research assistant position with a japanese professor who is doing some comparative work. It sounds like a fascinating project, and I'm actually really excited about working in it, but man, I am busy!

Plus, it's time to start looking for a job in earnest now. I've sent out some half-hearted feelers and a couple of shot in the dark applications to places that I knew wouldn't hire me, but had no real luck so far. I have no desire to work in the large law firm setting, so I knew I'd be waiting until late in the Spring to do the bulk of my search and also that it wouldn't be easy. That doesn't make me feel any less anxious about finding work. See, the thing is: I don't just want any job. I want a job that I can be happy with. Oh, and I also want to be able to, you know, pay for my student loans at the same time as I pay rent and buy groceries. Yes, yes, I know I'm asking for the moon and the stars, but really, don't I deserve it?

To be perfectly honest, I don't want to work in a law firm at all, small OR large. I don't even really want to do something related to the law. I don't know exactly what I would like to do, though. I kind of thought that going to law school was going to solve this dilemma for me. I'd also be happy to start out with a contract position or a temp position, just to kind of get my feet wet and build my resume a little.

I have to keep reminding myself of all the reasons why I didn't accept the offer from my summer firm-- and there were good reasons for it-- so that I don't keep second guessing that decision. It was the right decision. I know that. But I'm still nervous about finding work, nervous about ending up in a job that I hate, nervous about getting locked into a field that I hate, nervous about finding myself locked out of a field that I could love.

Thanks For the Heads Up

They've posted signs at all of the elevators today, announcing that one of the two elevators is undergoing "major repairs" and that there may be long delays due to the fact that only one elevator will be in service. Which makes me ask: how, exactly, is this different from nearly every other day of the past three years?

Evocative

In Trademark Law, we’re talking about what, exactly, can be trademarked. Can a certain color be trademarked? Can a certain sound be trademarked? Can a certain smell be trademarked? And if the answer to any of these things is yes, how do you pinpoint exactly what is covered by the trademark registration and what isn’t? All very interesting questions, though they’ve led to a far more mushy, philosophical class discussion than is typical of Professor Marbury.

They also led to a brief discussion of Mr. Sketch markers. The mere mention of them evoked an immediate and very strong memory of Mrs. North’s class, and the thrill of being picked to write on the flip chart with the scented markers. I always picked either the green (peppermint), the red (cherry), or the light blue (blue raspberry), in that order. I can still smell the exact scent in my mind. It was our reward for good behaviour at the end of a week: the afternoon spelling lesson or math lesson would be written up on the flip chart and each week, a different group of students was chosen to take turns writing the answers on the flip chart.

Years later, I found a box of them in a card store on a bottom shelf, incongruously stocked next to the scented candles and Precious Moments figurines. I had forgotten about them entirely and found myself compelled to buy the box, though I certainly had no real use for them in my every day life as a office drone/ college student. Over the years, they became my moving markers—I wrote “BOOKS—Living Room” and “LINENS—Bathroom” on multitudes of boxes with grape scented markers and then “WINTER SWEATERS—Bedroom” with orange scented markers and eventually, triumphantly “COLLEGE STUFF—Basement” in cherry scented markers. I currently have one single Mr. Sketch marker left: the light pink one, scented like raspberry (though it always reminds me of the smell of the think pink liquid penicillin given to children). It seldom gets used because it’s too dark to use as a highlighter and too light to use to mark moving boxes, and really, when else would I use a great fat marker these days?

Still, I’m finding myself longing for a new box of Mr. Sketch markers to call my own. I don’t need them—in fact, I really don’t need the extra clutter in my life and should get rid of some of the huge quantities of school supplies I’ve accumulated over the years. I’m about to graduate from what I imagine will be the very last school I ever attend, so the days in which I might, theoretically have to make a poster for a project are drawing to an end. What would I do with these markers besides uncap them to smell the scents? Lord knows, law school has been damaging enough to my brain, I don’t need to rush the onset of dementia by huffing lemon scented markers.

When I'm Sixty-Six

“They have big computers that keep track of your income and your FICA taxes, and it projects out your potential benefits. Every year or two you get a statement from the federal government that tells you how much you’ll get. That’s why I show up here every year.”

This lesson is depressing me because I don’t know how I’m supposed to live on the salary I’m likely to earn... forget about saving for retirement. All I can say is you young whippersnappers better work harder, because I’m going to need a LOT of Social Security when I get old.

Apathy +Ignorance = Great Customer Service

Scene: Information table for one of the major bar prep courses. Two paid student representatives are staffing the table. A third year student walks up.

3L: When is the third year deposit due?

Rep 1: [chews gigantic mouthful of food taken seconds before 3L approached the table]

Rep 2: April.

Rep 1: [swallows mouthful of food] No, March. March 15, I think.

3L: [slightly confused] Oh. [hesitates] I don’t know why, but I thought it was sometime in February?

Rep 1: Oh [laughs], maybe it is.

Rep 2: [Reaches for information book]

Rep 1: Well, you’ll definitely get a bill.

3L: [laughs nervously] Oh, OK. Well, if they’ll send a bill... [drifts slowly away from the table]

Rep 1 and Rep 2 go back to their conversation.

Not Exactly Cross Dressing

Even though I bought it here at school, in a fundraiser for one of the student organizations, it weirds me out a little to see someone else wearing “my” hoodie with the logo of Our Law School. Especially if it’s a guy, because in my mind, illogical though it is, it’s a girl sweatshirt.

Cost Benefit Analysis

While I appreciate the potential disruption of the learning environment that can occur when students come in late, I would dare say that interrupting the lecture three separate times in the first ten minutes to scold the latecomers and impress on the class your intense desire for everyone to take traffic disruptions into account and be certain to arrive on time is even more disruptive and is unlikely to have a great effect on the chronically late. Extreme lateness is one thing. Wandering in four minutes after class starts is another. And if the same students are late over and over, perhaps a chat with those students outside of class is in order.

Just a friendly thought. Love you otherwise; today’s lecture was great. I'm really enjoying this class. In fact, I'm sad that I don't have another chance to take classes with you. But really, let's be reasonable.

Avoidance of Madness

I need to buy one more book, which for some unfathomable reason was not included in the book list for this semester (*gasp* Inaccuracy in materials from the Adminstration? Never!). However, I do not want to face the insanity that is the university bookstore at the beginning of a semester. It's worse than Walmart on Christmas Eve after the malls have closed.

I also need to take some packages to the post office for mailing. But I don't want to deal with the insanity there either, where the single counter worker seems to have a personal mission to explore exactly how slowly a person can move without actually inciting a riot.

So, here I am, sitting in the Student Lounge, blogging and eating. My lunch was particularly yummy-- leftover palak paneer and a fresh green salad with balsamic vinagrette, in case you were wondering-- and I'm contemplating a hot tea. I have to check and see if the tea leaves are still in my locker. That, however, would require me to actually move. This is problematic.

Does anyone ever come back to classes feeling excited? All I've heard all day is "God, I didn't want to come back!" and "Man, break was far too short!" I am a little weirded out by the fact that this is the last first day of classes I will ever have, but a little excited, too. Sometimes it seems like I just started law school; other times it seems like I've always been here and will always be here.

Alrighty, then. Off to *do* stuff.

The Beginning

My first class of my last semester of law school began with this gem:

"Loss of mental capacity can occur at any time. This was proven to me by a set of blue books just a few weeks ago."

I like this professor already.

And That's a Wrap

Cue the Hallelujah Chorus: with one final insult of an exam, this semester is over. Nearly 2/3 of the exam this morning was on a topic that we literally (literally!) spent one hour of the semester on. Luckily, it was one of the things I studied. I sincerely hope they find someone else to teach this course next year, or else that they don't offer it at all.

But, now it's over, and I can finally get back to normal life. I'm going to have a good long bubble bath, then a nap, then I'm going to read a book that has nothing to do with law. Maybe I'll even watch some mindless TV-- after all, Dog the Bounty Hunter is on tonight!