Sunday, March 23, 2008

Running Through My Head For Some Reason

When I was in Sweden, the grocery store chain nearest to the apartment I shared with Luneray had a chain of generic personal care products. It was called "Blåvitt" ("Bluewhite") and each product was packaged in white with big blue letters labelling the product name across the front. Now, when I say "the product name", I mean that in the most literal sense possible. For example, the tube of toothpaste has big blue letters spelling out "tandkräm" ("toothpaste"), and the moisturizer is called "hudkräm" ("face cream").

When I packed for the summer, I took full sized bottles of all of my personal care products with me. My theory was that it would save me a little money, given the weak dollar* and the fact that conventional wisdom warned me that everything would be very expensive, and it would also trick me into having some space left in my luggage at the end of the trip to pack all the things I bought. Things worked pretty well-- I found myself running low on most things during my last week in Sweden, just in time to throw out the bottles in favor of packing some of the nine thousand books I'd bought. The one thing that I ran out of quickly was toothpaste. I hadn't packed a full tube for some reason-- maybe I just didn't have a full tube on hand. I did pack in something of a hurry-- and I ran out just past the halfway mark.

So I went to Konsum and bought a tube of tandkräm. And I packed the tube of tandkräm when I left for Germany... and eventually brought it all the way back to the States. There was just something about the big blue label exuberantly announcing to everyone, "Hey! There's TANDKRÄM in here!" Even after the tandkräm** was basically gone, I kept the tube in the medicine cabinet, and it made me happy to see it there.

I finally threw it out when I was packing to move in to this apartment with Ash. We were having lots of discussions about paring down our possessions at the time, and it just seemed like the right thing to do. Still, sometimes I miss seeing that little blue and white tube twice a day, every day, reminding me of the fun I had living with Luneray.


*which, wow, wouldn't it be great if we had that kind of exchange rate now?

** I bet you guys will never forget how to say toothpaste in Swedish. Maybe you can win a bar bet or something with that knowledge. Or at least you can rest assured that you'll be able to maintain proper oral hygiene should you ever end up in Sweden.

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Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Skillz

You know what's hard? Typing with freshly painted fingernails.

But they look good. That's the important thing.

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Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Five Questions

Wow, I hope Barbara Walters doesn't perceive Sonja as a threat and have her eliminated, because these were great interview questions. For those of you who don't read Sonja's blog, I responded to a challenge (or offer, depending on how you choose to look at such things-- I, obviously, am of the "double dog dare" school of thought) she issued.

1. Where does your screen name come from? (Do you purrrrrrr?)

Well. It’s like this:

I have a cat. I speak German to this cat, sometimes all the time, sometimes just some of the time. Somewhere along the line, her name morphed from “Jenna” to “Jenna Katze”, which in turn became a convenient screen name that I occasionally used on message boards and such. At the same time, Katze became one of the few German words that most of my friends knew. Somewhere along the line, Finbar’s family started calling me [My Real Name] Katze. It stuck, and in fact, my old primary email address was [My Real Name]katze. So, when I started the blog, it was a natural choice for my blogger name.


2. Fill in the blank: My morning would be absolutely ruined if my _______________ was missing/kaputt/wet/replaced with a smaller one.


Coffee. I must have it. In fact, I don’t know if I’ve ever told this story on the blog, but that’s one of the things that Luneray and I bonded over. Having learned from my experience living in student housing in Germany back during my undergrad days, I packed those little Folgers single serve coffee bags (like tea bags, only filled with coffee), lest I find myself unable to make coffee in the morning for the duration. It wasn’t that I couldn’t get coffee in Germany, or that I thought that I wouldn’t be able to get coffee in Sweden, it was that I didn’t have access to a coffee maker in the dorms in Offenburg, and was concerned that I would be similarly deprived in the Uppsala dorms or student housing or wherever I’d end up staying*. I had also packed quite a bit of portable food, on the advice of my Iceland travel guide. Although the guide was 100% correct that food prices were outrageous in Iceland, I did not end up eating all of the stuff I had packed, especially since I discovered a small grocery during my wandering stroll through Reykjavík and took full advantage of the youth hostel’s breakfast buffet. So I unpacked these things and placed them in one of the kitchen cabinets in the apartment I was to share with my yet-unarrived roommate.

Luneray arrived later and set about unpacking. She wandered into the kitchen with a few things and I heard her start to laugh. Turns out that Luneray had brought along a french press and a bag of Peet’s Coffee, similarly concerned about access to coffee and quality thereof.**

In fact, allow me to offer a second example from that same summer to further illustrate. We were set to take part in a day trip to Dalarna as part of the course, and the bus was going to leave the main dorms at a ridiculously early hour. Luneray and I did not live in the dorms, we lived in a “real” apartment some distance from the dorms, and so we’d have to leave at an even more ridiculous hour to ensure that we didn’t miss the bus and the trip. I knew that I’d never be able to get up early enough to make and drink coffee and still leave by whatever up-with-the-birds hour*** we needed to be out the door of our apartment. Had I been back home in Our Fair City, that would have been no problem at all. I would have merely used a plastic travel mug to carry the coffee along. Unfortunately for me, all my coffee-related foresight had apparently been utterly used up by my purchase and subsequent transport of the aforementioned Folgers****. I had not, however, exhausted my supply of creativity and as such, I applied my formidable coffee-seeking skill to the task at hand and came up with this:

There is a McDonald’s in Uppsala.

McDonald’s serves coffee in little cups with lids.

I could wash out a cup and re-use it in the morning.


Et voilà, coffee for the trip!

So I stopped at McDonald’s on my way home from classes, bought a coffee, drank it, washed out the cup very carefully, and set it out for the next morning. Shortly before our departure, I brewed a cup of coffee and poured it into the cup. Luneray and I put on our jackets, picked up our backpacks, and walked out the door. In the common entry way, I stopped to lock the door behind us and in that moment, I lost my grip on the cup. It slipped from my fingers, hit the floor, and splashed, defying the laws of gravity and conservation of mass, all across the walls, the floor, and even the ceiling. Truly, it was astounding. I’m told that my expression at that moment was the very definition of “crestfallen”. What I remember is that in that moment, I was trying desperately to think of a way to FIX IT FIX IT FIX IT (MY COFFEE!!!), but my rational brain caught up—pretty quickly, too, considering that my coffee was coating the entry hall and not coursing through my veins—and I realized that not only did I not have time to make another cup of coffee, but we didn’t even really have time to clean up the mess. I grabbed something and mopped up the worst of the coffee on the floor and left the rest for the next day, when Luneray was kind enough to help me scrub coffee stains from the white walls and ceiling. The whole way to the bus, I was angry with myself, and all was not right until we stopped for a little food at a café in Dalarna before continuing on to Carl Larsson’s house , and I was able to get a lovely, strong coffee.


3. What was your backup career plan in case the lawyering thingy hadn't worked out?

What is this “backup career plan” thing? That question assumes that I had a career plan in place to begin with. I’d originally planned to do my PhD in German, but a series of events waylaid me, and then September 11th happened and I found that not only was the job market in the field—never all that robust to begin with—basically dead, but I was really, really pissed off at the things I saw happening. I wanted to change things and I wanted to have a job while doing it. So I entered law school with this vague idea of getting into some sort of advocacy work, maybe with an NGO or something, and another, competing idea that I might like to try something in the area of EU law, maybe working for a government agency or a multi-national corporation*****.

Sometimes I still wonder if I made the right choice, ditching my PhD program. I was very, very good at it, and it was intuitive for me. But in the end, I felt that quality of life was more than quality of career (not to say that career doesn’t enter into it), and that I wanted to choose where I get to live, to be able to get married and not have the nearly inevitable clash of career strictures, and even though I don’t really need to be rich, I wanted more financial stability than I could forsee from a future in academia.

4. If you had the choice, would you rather live in the city, the suburbs, or out in the boonies? Explain.


It would depend on which city, but I’m going with suburb. A close suburb of a biggish city. For example, I was quite happy with living in Rockville. Close enough to DC to go in any time without major hassle, far enough out to escape most of the major hassles of city life. I like that kind of balance and would seek that out, given a choice.

5. If you had unlimited resources (money, connections, etc.), what would you do to change the world?


Holy crap. I honestly don’t know where to start. How do you end war and poverty and ignorance and injustice and disease and all of the other things that constitute the spectrum of human misery? Honestly, I don’t know that all the resources in the world can do that. Perhaps that means that I have a very dim view of human nature. Still, I do believe that the world can be improved upon, so maybe I could find a few ways to alleviate specific problems.

I’d fix our healthcare system—make it affordable and accessible for everyone. I’d include treatment for mental illness in that mandate. Don’t ask me how that would be accomplished. I guess I’d use some of those unlimited resources to hire people who could make that happen, absent the constraints of limited money and political will (use those connections, right?)

I’d make higher education a privilege earned based on hard work and skill. No one with the ability and the drive would be turned away, and no one would be able to buy their way in, whether by way of money, or connections. Once in, you’d have to continually earn your place, but hard work would be balanced with grades.

I want to say that I’d make sure that every child has a safe and loving home, but I don’t know how that would be possible without denying the free will and choices of the parents. And yet, I want to trample the holy hell out of the free will and choices of the abusive or negligent parents who damage their children physically and mentally. There will always be children who are unwanted by their parents, parents who find themselves unable to fulfill their roles properly, families that implode or explode due to failings such as drug or alcohol abuse, inability to cope with stress, mental illness, or any of a myriad of other things. I think maybe the best approach might be to make resources and help available for the parents who want to do right by their kids and don’t know how or can’t do it without a hand or just get overwhelmed. And I’d make birth control of varying forms widely available and free, and a cursory education on what it is and how to use it would be compulsory, no matter what your religious beliefs, so that far fewer children will be born into homes unprepared for their arrival, raised by people who didn’t want them and resent their presence. Those on the religious right can feel free to tell their kids that birth control is evil at home, but I firmly believe that the benefit of reaching every child, even if only in a cursory manner, with simple, true information about preventing pregnancy and responsible behavior far outweighs the detriment to the religious freedoms of a small part of the population.

I’d fix the foster care system so that kids don’t just “age out” the day they turn 18 and get booted to the street with no home, no financial assistance, no guidance, and no one to go to when they need help learning to be adults or just a shoulder to cry on. No one expects the average high school kid to move out of his parents’ home on his 18th birthday and fend for himself, so why do we as a society expect this very thing from some of our more vulnerable young adults?

So that concludes our interview for the night. Thanks for the interesting and thought-provoking questions, Sonja! You can totally come and hang with me anytime.

*In fact, I wasn’t even sure where I’d be living, since I’d not received any sort of housing confirmation whatsoever from the program. I figured they’d have to find somewhere to put me, so I didn’t sweat it too much.

** I, obviously, had decided to sacrifice quality for ease of transportation. Plus I didn’t know how to use a french press—a skill that Luneray made sure to teach me.

*** In my mind, it seems like it was around 6:30 a.m., but that’s solely based on my memory of how the light was and how the air felt, and as this was Sweden in late June, there was scant difference between the light at 4:30 and the light at 7:30, especially on the grey, drizzly mornings such as the one on which this story takes place.

**** Man, that last bit almost sounded like a lawyer wrote it or something.

***** Come to find out, EU law is so boring, it could make you check your own pulse, just to make sure that you didn’t die while thinking about it.

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Tuesday, May 08, 2007

I Think Some of My Former Classmates Minored In That In College

A tale of parenting the gifted child, from a blog I read only occasionally, but very much enjoy. I don't know how people can be this strange and funny on a regular basis.

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Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Probably Not What the Ad Agency Was Going For

The new Dr. Pepper commercial tells you that if you "want it all", then you'll "love the 23 flavors" crammed into Dr. Pepper. This makes Dr. Pepper sound like the soft drink version of a bar mat*. It makes me think that Dr. Pepper was invented when the food scientists at Ye Olde Soft Drink Factory** decided to mix all of their leftover experiments and submit it to the boss as a prank... and the boss was too Pointy Haired to realize it, so he presented it at the next board meeting and the executives, eager to score the next big hit with the youth, raved and sent it into production.



*Urban dictionary defines this as a "Jersey Turnpike" (a term which I would search only with caution, as it apparently also has another more... NSFW meaning), but we called it a bar mat at the place I worked in college. Essentially, the bartender picks up the bar mat and pours all the stuff that slopped over while they were pouring drinks into a shot glass. Popular among drunk frat boys and ex-frat boys as a way to prove their "manliness" or something. Also popular among cheap alcoholics, since most bartenders will give it to you free.

** Yes, I know that Dr. Pepper wasn't invented by a corporation.

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Monday, January 15, 2007

Sometimes, I Even Imagine They Duel

I love it when I hear a story on NPR that describes some esoteric (to the layperson, anyway) point as being a point of contention among scientists. I always get this mental image of a group of scientists in white lab coats-- they look a lot like they just stepped out of a Far Side panel-- trash talking and arguing at the top of their lungs until one of them loses it and slaps another, and then it turns into a melee, with white-coated, thick-spectacled scientists screaming things at each other like "String theory is wrong, you jerk!"

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Tuesday, December 19, 2006

What is Art?

This is the most beautiful piece of vandalism I've ever seen. Intellectually, I understand that this is terrible and has caused a huge loss for this family and their farm. But I simply can't stop thinking that the swooping arcs look like art.

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Saturday, November 11, 2006

It's Not Covered in the Zombie Survival Guide

Ash and I are watching the utterly abominable remake of Dawn of the Dead. Honestly, I don't know why we haven't turned it off. It's really horrible and clichéd. Anyway, I've got to thinking:

Strictly speaking, wouldn't zombie dogs eat other non-zombie dogs, not necessarily people? I mean, in the movie, the zombie people ignore the non-zombie dog, and if it were simply a matter of needing flesh or brains or whatever for survival, surely the zombie would grab whatever living flesh comes in range. This leads me to the conclusion that zombies must be limited to flesh of their own originating species. So wouldn't zombie dogs have to eat non-zombie dogs?

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Tuesday, August 15, 2006

It Takes an Uncommon Mind to Think of These Things

I listened to a report on NPR earlier about how rising oil prices are affecting communities' ability to perform road repairs and construction. It was given by a man named Joel Rhodes. I wondered to myself if he felt funny calling sources for this story:

"Hi. I'm Joel Rhodes, and I'm calling to talk to you about roads."

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Friday, April 21, 2006

I Bet I Would Be Good At It, Too

I've been watching the first season of "The West Wing" on DVD lately, one episode after another. I didn't start watching this show until fairly late, probably in season three or so, but I became an instant addict. It almost always made me cry at some point during an episode, and often took my breath away with the idea that government could actually do some good in the world. I was waitressing when I started watching, and I used to devote my limited television time to a group of shows that I taped every week and played back a half hour or so at a time, in between classes and work. Basically, it was the NBC Wednesday night and Thursday night lineups: The West Wing, Law and Order, Friends, whatever the 8:30 show was (Scrubs being by far my favorite over the years), Will and Grace, whatever the 9:30 show was (though I often fast forwarded through this and sometimes through the 8:30, if it sucked, as it often did), and ER. At the end of the West Wing episode, I always felt like calling Hulio and screaming "I'M MOVING TO WASHINGTON TO BE A WHITE HOUSE STAFFER! I'M GOING TO SAVE THE WORLD!". Sometimes, I actually did call her and say that (but I didn't scream, I'm a good friend that way).

It's funny how much things have changed since this show started, and I don't just mean the precipitous decline in the quality of the show's writing after Sorkin's cocaine-fueled departure. For example, in one of the episodes they go on about a budget surplus and how it should be used at length, and I had a little jolt as I thought to myself "Ohhhhhh, yeah... we used to have a budget surplus. Damn, I miss the Clinton era."

And in the vein of plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose, Everytime the theme song starts to play, I lunge for the remote to fast forward through the commercials, even though I know full well that I'm watching a DVD and there will be no commercials. Then I feel a little foolish, even though I'm the only one there to see.

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Wednesday, March 29, 2006

I Am Just Full of Good Ideas

Someone should suggest this to next year's SBA.

Instead of subsidizing the Law School Prom, how about if they take just a fraction of that money and hire someone to clean the refrigerators and microwaves? Say once a week, maybe twice. Institute a policy of "Fridges will be emptied on Saturday at 12 p.m. (for example), then let that person come in, dump everything that's left over the weekend, wipe it all out with some antibacterial cleaner, nuke a couple of bowls of vinegar in the microwaves, wipe out the softened gunk, then clean them our with the same antibacterial cleanser. There's surely some student desperate for money who would be willing to do it, and if someone took care of it on a regular basis, they wouldn't get to the toxic conditions (and I only wish that were hyperbole) that they stay at now. Say $25 a week, times 34 weeks (15 weeks per semester plus two weeks of exams) would come to $850 a year. Surely SBA could come up with that kind of cash for something that would benefit the entire student body?

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The Product of a Fevered Mind

The only good thing about being this sick is the fever dreams. Yesterday, I dreamed that I was on some show that was apparently a cross between America’s Next Top Model and The Amazing Race. First, we were going to hang glide and at first, I was all excited about it, but then all of a sudden I remembered that I am afraid of heights (which I really am, though not to the level of a real phobia) and I panicked and started to scream to the pilot to let me down. Then we were supposed to catch a plane to Japan, but we had to hurry (because we were in a race—against whom, I haven’t the vaguest idea, but we were racing), so we were running in these ridiculous get-ups—kimonos and crazy hair and wild makeup (because we were on America’s Next Top Model). We got to the top of an escalator and everyone started to run down (because we were racing), but all of a sudden, I got dizzy and started to fall, so I grabbed on to the rail and called out for help, but all of the other girls kept running (because we were in a race) except Asako—the paralegal I shared an office with last summer was apparently also a contestant on this American’s Next Top Amazing Model Race—but she couldn’t get back up the escalator. Then these two thirtysomething ex-sorority types came up behind me and started to shove me down the escalator because I was blocking them from going down, and I was angry that they woudn’t help me, so I grabbed the bouquet of flowers that one of them was inexplicably holding—though I knew somehow that they were very, very important to her—and as I fell down the escalator, I shredded them into a million pieces and threw them at her.

Then the phone rang and I woke up. Man, am I glad my dreams aren’t normally so crazy. Though I must say, it’s better than anything I’ve seen on TV lately.

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Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Mars vs. Venus

I love how men will unabashedly pick up a book or a magazine or a newspaper and take it into a public restroom, essentially announcing that they plan to be there for a good long time, while women will try to mask any possible sound or movement that might give away to other occupants of the restroom that they might actually have bodily functions, ever, as though they'd just come into the ladies' room to, you know, sit down for a spell.

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Belligerent Breakfast Foods

I recently bought a box of Apple Strudel Poptarts and this morning, as I was packing my lunch, it struck me that an Apple Strudel Poptart might really hit the spot. I put my brown sugar and maple oatmeal back in the cabinet and opened the box of Poptarts. I did not notice any cartoon characters on the box, such as one might expect if a promotion for a movie or tv show or something is underway.

Following my first class, I sat down on the couch in the library to drink my coffee and eat my Poptart. When I pulled the silver wrapped toaster pastry from the bag I noticed a strange little cartoon woman printed on the label, asking me "Wanna arm wrestle?"

Why is my breakfast food threatening me? Isn't the saturated fat and sodium content in these things threat enough?

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Thursday, March 09, 2006

Spring Break By The Numbers

Days I did not leave the apartment: 4
Hours per day, on average, spent asleep: 12
Days I ran a fever of at least 100 degrees: 3
Boxes of Kleenex used: 3 1/2
Gallons of Orange juice consumed: 4 1/2 (Ash helped with that)
Cups of tea consumed, on average, per day: 6
Pages read for pleasure: approximately 4200
Amount of left over indian food consumed: seems like at least 5943 pounds
Loads of laundry I will do today to rid my room of germs: 3
Hours spent studying for the MPRE as of 3 p.m. today: 0
Hours left until I have to take the MPRE as of 3 p.m. today: 42
Bags of potato chips eaten due to intense craving for salty foods: 4
Flavors of potato chips eaten to satisfy craving: Salt and Vinegar, CheezUms (if a dairy product is spelled with a "z", you know it's good!), Plain (and they were gross).
Temptation to eat the ice cream in the freezer without waiting for Ash: very high
Things I forgot at the grocery store this morning: 2 (milk and whipped cream)
Times I tried on shoes today, excited because they were exactly what I want and in stock in my size: 5
Times those shoes actually fit: 0
Piles of dirty laundry, including underwear, left on the communal laundry table, presumably by the new tenant (based on content of said laundry and knowledge of other tenants in building: 3
Plastic grocery bags of garbage left in the laundry room with rotting food in them: 2
Level of irritation at inconsiderate behavior in a communal area: very high
Probability that I will call the landlord to complain if the situation doesn't improve sharp-like: high

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Tuesday, January 10, 2006

By the Numbers

Number of minutes in line at the post office: 74

Number of postal employees visible behind the counter: 4

Number of postal employees doing work behind the counter: 3

Number of postal employees talking on the phone, complaining about how busy it was: 1

Number of stations selling stamps only: 1

Ratio of customers in that line to customers in the “general post office stuff” line: 1:10

Number of stamp vending machines available in the lobby: 0

Number of highly-touted self-serve mailing stations available in lobby: 1

Number of highly-touted self-serve mailing stations actually in working order: 0

Number of packages being mailed to various countries by two Slavic men at one of the two “general postal stuff” stations: approximately 150

Number of customs forms said Slavic men had filled out prior to approaching the counter: 0

Number of minutes this transaction tied up one of the two employees: approximately 45

Level of stress etched on the face of the remaining postal employee: extremely high

Number of times the ten year old in line behind me asked her mom why people wanted to buy 2 cent stamps: I stopped counting at 1,000

Number of times the mother explained that the price to mail a letter had increased two cents, in increasingly simpler terms: 900 or so, before she started saying “I just explained that to you.”

Number of times I had to stifle the urge to throttle the ten year old girl in line behind me: 879

Number of times someone in line complained that the line was so long: 59,395

Number of times I wondered if my car was being ticketed for an expired meter, given that this errand was taking about five times longer than I expected: 59

Likelihood that Parking Enforcement in Our Fair City might show mercy to cars parked near the post office: very, very low

Number of packages I needed to mail: 2

Number of pounds these packages weighed: 5.3

Amount of rate increase for Delivery Confirmation: 15 cents

Number of two cent stamps I purchased: 6

Number of parking tickets on my window when I returned to the car: 0

Distance between my car and the car who pulled in behind my parking spot: 4 inches

Number of times I had to reverse and pull forward to wiggle out of the spot: 3

Number of times I bumped the car in front of me: 0

Number of times I bumped the car behind me: 0

Number of times I mentally sang “We are the Champions”: 1

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Saturday, October 22, 2005

Temporary Suspension of Disbelief

The original "The Parent Trap" is on television right now. I love this movie, cheesy and cliched as it is. The split screen is very well done, especially considering the era in which the movie was made. However, I always get stuck on this point: Why didn't Susan and Sharon notice that they look incredibly similar? I mean, if I were sent to summer camp and met a girl who looked exactly like me, only with a different hair cut, I think I'd notice the strange coincidence right away. It's kind of like how no one ever notices that Clark Kent and Superman look really, really similar, except for the glasses.

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