Spring Awakening - Day 8

I see green!

Crafty Katze

My nephew is a lucky little boy to have such a crafty aunt.

This is my first self-designed knitting project. It's based on a pattern that I found online and knitted for him before he was born. I was highly displeased with the finished product, which looked crooked and strange, so I frogged it and started over, sort of winging it as I went. If I were to make it again, I would use a smaller guage stitch/ needle and tweak the arms a little.

I found it difficult to know exactly how the proportions should be, because this is the first project I've done for a baby. There was also a little jester hat which is freaking adorable, but I forgot to take a picture before I gave it to him.

Diligent

We got this in the mail:


What important correspondence has caused the Postal Service such angst?


Now, that's diligent mail delivery.

Sprint Awakening - Day 2

Soil is dry! And per the directions, I have pushed the bulbs into the soil "so that the top sticks out". Again with the not specific directions! How much of the top? A tiny little bit? An inch? Guess I'll have to wing it again.

Let the growing begin!

More Language Pedantry

Each Sunday, some adult in the congregation is chosen to lead a short lesson for the little kids, who get to run down to the front of the church and sit in the front pews during the "Children's Message". The sheer energy released during the run down the aisle could power the church for most of the week, and it is insanely adorable most of the time. Anyway, some of the speakers are better than others, and there's one in particular who is downright awful. On Sundays when she calls the kids down for the Children's Message, the kids don't so much run down the aisle as they meander. On this particular Sunday, she wants to talk about hypocrites for some bizarre reason, and because she is showing unusual foresight and understanding of the age level involved, she tries to use an example to show what the big word means. It would seem that the Sunday School classes are taking up a collection to go to help in rebuilding in New Orleans. In her universe, the children would be hypocrites if they kept the collection money to buy candy.

Here's a hint: if you tell people you are collecting for hurricane victims, but then you keep the money for yourself, you're a liar and a thief, but you're not really a hypocrite. In order to be a hypocrite, you would also have to spend a lot of time decrying people who scam others out of money by collecting for "charity" and keeping the money for themselves.

Spring Awakening - Day 1

One of my friends at work gave me a paperwhite growing kit, and now that the days are getting longer and warmer, I thought a little greenery would be a good addition to our household.

How does one grow paperwhites in a small apartment without a balcony, patio, or other outdoors-ish area in which one could garden?

First, the mise en place (such as it were):

Notice the little plastic-wrapped hockey puck-looking thing. That's my potting soil, and in order to actually pot something in that soil, I was instructed to add "2 cups or one liter water". That's not the most exact measurement I've ever heard of, but what the heck...

Note, by the way, my sweet manicure.

According to the directions, the little hockey puck is supposed to expand as it absorbs the water, until it fills the pot.
I have my doubts.

After one hour, it looks like this:

That certainly isn't much progress.

After three hours, it looks like this:
This calls for some intervention. Perhaps if I stir it up a little, things will get a little soil-ier.

This cannot be good for my manicure.

I can't deal with this right now. Let's have a break for some delicious irish soda bread from a local bakery.

Okay, back to the paperwhites. Five hours have elapsed at this point, and it's still really soupy.


Do paperwhites grow in primordeal stew?
Maybe if I leave it in front of the window for awhile, it will dry up a little.

Like Your Sense of Humor

Yesterday at work, an email went out to all employees at our office that said "CPI for January was 0.2". We have a lot of contracts that have price increases based on the CPI, so other than a brief fleeting thought of how it sure does suck to have to ask for/ end up getting stuck with a price increase that will amount to a few dollars at most, I didn't think much about it... until a second email went out a few minutes later that read:

"As much as I'm sure you all care deeply about the Consumer Price Index, that email was meant for Jane Smith. Sorry about that!"

Wanna Buy a Couch?

Dear "Tom",

Thank you for your interest in purchasing the couch and loveseat I recently posted on craigslist. However, our recent interaction has left me with some questions. I'm hoping you will be able to clarify these things for me.

Well, actually, I have one big multi-part question for you. What was the purpose of asking me for exact measurements of the couch and loveseat, exchanging multiple emails with me for details of color and condition, then setting an appointment with me to pick up the couches if you had no intention of showing up? Alternatively, if we assume arguendo that you intended to show up, the question I wish to have you answer changes: why didn't you have the common decency to call or email and let me know you'd changed your mind?

It's not that I refused another sale because you said you were coming to pick up the couches-- I'm acting in self-interest here. What really pisses me off about this is that you wasted my time. It was a gorgeous Sunday afternoon, we have a friend visiting us, and we sat around waiting for you because you were too inconsiderate to take 20 seconds out of your day to let me know that you wouldn't be showing up. If the situation had been reversed, if you had made an appointment with me and showed up here and knocked on my door, only to find that no one was here, would you not have been terribly angry with me? Perhaps you believe that your time is more vaulable than mine. I assure you that is not the case.

In conclusion, you are a jerk. I hope you get stood up on your next 10 dates.

Sincerely yours,

Katze

********

Dear "Angel S."

Thank you for your interest in purchasing the couch and loveseat I recently posted on craigslist. The asking price is $150, as I noted in my posting. I am willing to entertain a lower offer, but the key here is that YOU make the next offer. Sending me an email with the question "How cheap can I get it?" is not upholding your end of this transaction. I've already made my offer to you: a couch and a loveseat for $150. Make me a counteroffer and I will let you know if I can accept it.

Sincerely,

Katze

*****

Dear "Brad Farr":

Thank you for your interest in purchasing the couch and loveseat I recently posted on craigslist. Your recent correspondence has been reviewed and we have prepared the following response to your inquiries:

Yeah. Right.

Seriously, did you think that I was really going to send you my banking information over email so that you could "prepare the check transfer"? Furthermore, even if you had not lead off with such an obvious gambit, ordering me to "[t]ake immediately down [my] posting as [you] are now the purchaser" is a non-starter. The sale is complete when the cash is in my hands and not one moment before.

In conclusion, you are a jerk. I hope you are robbed repeatedly until such time as you lose 10 times more than you have scammed out of any victims dumb enough to fall for your nonsense.

Sincerely,

Katze

Some Assembly Required

Båb, the IKEA baby. Spare parts are available in the "As-Is" section at a nominal price.