Errant Apostrophes

Exciting New Opportunity

2008-06-29T09:19:00.003-05:00

I have a Monster Job Search Agent set up that I check sporadically, watching for the next great opportunity in my career path. Yesterday, the agent returned this exciting result:

Jun 28, Truck Driver - Hiring Nationwide! Truck Driver TRAINING AVAILABLE, C.R. England

I wonder which part of my agent, which is set up to look for jobs in the legal and non-profit sectors, paired me up with this listing?

Scenes From a Belgian Pub

2008-06-28T21:13:00.000-05:00

Severely Overdressed Woman With a Loud Voice: "Excuse me, miss. Do you have any Perrier?"

Young Waitress Who's Halfway Into the Weeds: "Our wine list is right next to the window."

Self-Awareness

2008-06-25T18:17:00.002-05:00

One of my coworkers was on vacation last week, and it was significantly quieter while she was gone. The good kind of quieter. And by "significantly quieter", I mean "to the point where nearly every other person in our little section of the cube farm remarked on it".

Monday, she came back from vacation. Sick. And so, not only are did the noise level return to the pre-vacation level of high, but our days are now punctuated by frequent nose blowing. No, not "blowing". Honking. Old-man-in-a-white-handkerchief, shake-the-window-panes, set-off-a-car-alarm honking. All. Day. Long.

I want to scream.

It's not so much that I think that one must silently wipe one's nose such that no one could be audibly aware of your mucus output. But there is NO FREAKING NEED for that kind of thing in the office.

Then, yesterday, she asked another coworker to make a follow up call to a customer, because "[she's] sick, and [she's] not sure that she should be calling customers while [she's] sick". Making these phone calls is, of course, one of her major job duties. And -- of course!-- she's not too sick to have long, loud conversations on her cell phone with her family.

Today, following another round of "Holy Cow, Is that the Last Trump I Hear?", she announced, "Boy, I bet you wish you all wish I had stayed on vacation, huh?"

Nope. Not quite! What we really wish is that you would utilize some of the generous sick leave benefits our company gives to each and every one of us and STAY HOME if you're this sick. Barring that, could you try and blow your nose in a manner befitting someone who works in a cubicle farm with lots of other people.

Millions for Special Effects, but Not a Penny for a Copy Editor

2008-06-10T21:27:00.004-05:00

Ash and I saw Ironman on Sunday. It was fairly well-acted. The special effects were pretty great. It was a terrible movie. Really awful. As in, Ash and I were making fun of it while we were watching it. Not Legend of Bagger Vance bad, but definitely not worth paying $10 each to see. Luckily, we went to see a matinee in no small part as a way to get out of the oppressive heat (how very old school of us!).

For me, the whole movie can be summed up by this:

Toward the beginning of the movie, they're showing a little montage of "news coverage" about Tony Stark, giving those of us who never read an Ironman comic the back story on his character. And at the point where Tony takes over his father's company, there's a cover "from" Fortune magazine or some such, and the headline is "Tony Takes Over the Reigns!" I couldn't help myself. It just popped out of my mouth unbidden, and probably a little louder than it should have, "Oh my God, it's spelled wrong!" Seriously, how many levels of review did that have to go through before it actually made the final print of the movie? And no one in the whole process ever said "Ummmmmm, guys? I think there's a little error in this one..."?

I also loved how, as the final battle scene was getting under way, Ironman takes off to kick some bad guy butt, and the military dude stops to look at the unfinished Ironman suit still on the stand and says "Next time, dude, next time." Heh, set up for the sequel much? Yeesh.

As far as I'm concerned, Robert Downey, Jr. owes me two and a half hours of my life back.

Stormtroopers Need Love, Too

2008-06-05T21:58:00.004-05:00

This is such a great photo set. I especially love this little guy searching for his valentine.

Nice Work If You Can Get It

2008-05-26T20:58:00.009-05:00

Ash and I are in his hometown overnight, on our way to a wedding in Defiance, Ohio. The groom is his best friend from high school, who also stood in our wedding. Ash is his best man, and I'm really looking forward to dancing with him all night, as we didn't get to at our own wedding.

This morning, we got up at 5 a.m. so that we could visit his father before he left for work, since we'll be gone by the time he gets home and we may not get another chance to see him before next Christmas/ Thanksgiving*.

It was a nice but short visit, though we only got to see his dad, and not his sister (who grunted when Ash's dad tried to wake her up, and promptly went back to sleep) or his stepmom (who was busy getting ready for her own early workday). I did, however, get to share some special time with their very adorable cat, who was good and wound up, and took a good nip at me just for the fun of doing it, then ran crazed circles around the living and dining rooms, jumping on random things and pretending to scratch stuff.

After we left his dad's house, Ash and I made a little trip to Tim Horton's. Having spent two years living in the City of Light, I have more than a passing familiarity with Timmy's, and I can't say that I've ever understood the adulation for this chain, and especially for it's coffee, that I encountered everywhere I went. I mean, it's not bad, it's just nothing to write home about. Ash, like others who grew up in Timmy's sway, loves the place. Once we had consumed 8000 calories a piece in fat and sugar, we took our coffees and stopped at a park where Ash used to come and feed the ducks with his dad.

Apparently, this park has undergone a major renovation, and according to Ash, it's not for the better. There were only a handful of ducks around, including this fine fellow:

There were also lots of little signs posted, telling us that feeding the ducks is Evil. It makes them sick! And they become dependent on humans! And they get eaten by predators! Now, I am certain that these things are true, and it may be for the best that people don't feed the ducks at the pond. But. A) The tone of the signs was "If you feed the ducks, the terrorists win!, and B) Each sign ended with a phrase like "Enjoy the waterfowl responsibly!", which made me want to laugh for some reason.

Being disgusted with the changes in this park, Ash took me back to a park I'd visited with him once before.

On our previous visit, it was wintertime, and we were freezing, and it was dark. The highlight of that visit was the discovery of a piece of graffiti that read "This town is ours bitchs", which has since occasioned many choruses of "Bitch-S!" in our house ever since. This time, it was sunny and cool, and everything was just bursting with life.

Remember that scene in Office Space where Peter is talking about how back in high school, your guidance counselor would ask you what you would do if you had a million dollars and didn't need to earn money, and whatever you answered, that's what you're supposed to be? If we won enough money that we didn't need to work ever again unless we wanted to, do you know what I would do? This:

* The holiday schedule has not yet been negotiated.
** He's declawed, so it's all for show.

That Movie Post That Everyone Else Did Three Months Ago

2008-05-20T19:03:00.001-05:00

Citizen Kane (1941)-- Listen, I know this is supposed to be the best film in the history of films. But I can't say that I really enjoyed it when I saw it. At all. I guess I am just a total philistine.
2. The Godfather (1972)-- I did consider bolding this one, but the truth is that I've never actually watched it from start to finish. I've just seen a bit here and a piece there so many times on AMC that it seems that I must have seen the whole movie by now.
3. Casablanca (1942)-- Ash and I saw this together on the big screen, which was a really fantastic experience. I loved the moved so much.
4. Raging Bull (1980)
5. Singin’ In The Rain (1952)-- I remember liking this movie very much when I was in high school, but I haven't seen it since then, so I am not sure whether I loved it because it was a good movie, or because I was completely obsessed with musicals.
6. Gone With The Wind (1939)-- Hulio loves this movie. I cannot make myself sit down and watch it.
7. Lawrence Of Arabia (1962)
8. Schindler’s list (1993)-- After my grandfather's funeral, I went back to my apartment alone. My roommate was in classes, and I sent Finbar away so that I could be by myself. I put this movie in the VCR, operating on the theory that I needed to cry, just let it out, find some catharsis. This movie will forever be entwined with that memory for me. The book is just as devastating, maybe even more so, because it's more complex and layered than the movie.
9. Vertigo (1958)-- I haven't seen this. In fact, I'm not sure that I've ever seen any of Hitchcock's movies, including Psycho
10. The Wizard Of Oz (1939), unless you count seeing clips of the movies on television.
11. City Lights (1931)
12. The Searchers (1956)
13. Star Wars (1977)-- Yes, of course, and like every other kid my age, I spent hours playing Star Wars with my friends, hitting each other with plastic lightsabers until our mothers took them away. Though truthfully, it was actually Return of the Jedi that lured us into the Star Wars universe.

On an unrelated note, I reviewed a contract between my company and George Lucas several months ago. Yes, that George Lucas. I also once reviewed a contract between my company and the Queen of England. It was great, because the introductory stuff included her full title, which was a couple of lines long. Sometimes my job is fun.
14. Psycho (1960) Furthermore, I'm not sure that I want to see this movie, as I do love a nice shower, or a long soak in the tub, and I don't want to spend the entire time jumping every time the cat wanders into the bathroom.
15. 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)-- This is one that I'm really torn over. On the one hand, I want to see it because it's iconic, blah blah blah; on the other hand, it looks really boring. Also, I already know the ending, because, well... it's so iconic. Kind of like The Sixth Sense.
16. Sunset Blvd. (1950)
17. The Graduate (1967)-- Like the Godfather, I've seen most of this movie, but never all the way from start to finish, and never on purpose.
18. The General (1927)
19. On The Waterfront (1954)
20. It’s A Wonderful life (1946)-- The older and more sentimental I get, the more I love this movie.
21. Chinatown (1974)
22. Some like It Hot (1959)
23. The Grapes Of Wrath (1940)-- My tenth grade English class watched this, but I have almost no memory of it. This is one of my very favorite books, just in case you were wondering.
24. E.T. The Extra-terrestrial (1982)-- My parents took my sister and I to see this at a drive-in. I remember the pink fuzzy flannel pjs with feet on them like it was yesterday, and I also remember how my Dad bought us Twizzlers because we didn't like the popcorn.
25. To Kill A Mockingbird (1962)-- This is, in my opinion, one of the best movies ever made, as well as one of the best books ever written.
26. Mr. Smith Goes To Washington (1939)
27. High Noon (1952)
28. All About Eve (1950)
29. Double Indemnity (1944)
30. Apocalypse Now (1979)
31. The Maltese Falcon (1941)
32. The Godfather Part II (1974)-- see, The Godfather, above. Same comments apply.
33. One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest (1975)-- No, no, no. God almighty, I hate Jack Nicholson. Also? I bought the book while I was on the Great Bad Girl Road Trip of 2001, during a long stretch of the South where I could not find a copy of Time or Newsweek anywhere, no matter how hard I tried. And despite the lack of reading material back then, and despite my curiosity about this cultural icon, I have never been able to read it, even after multiple attempts. It finally went to Half Price Books a few months ago.
34. Snow White And The Seven Dwarfs (1937)-- This was the first movie I ever saw in a movie theater. My dad took us after Sunday morning church, but before we left the church parking lot he told us we were going somewhere awful. I can't remember where he told us we were going, but I do remember that when we got to the theater parking lot, my sister and I started to cry hysterically, and kept crying, even after we walked around to the front of the building where we could see that it was the movies, not somewhere horrible, and even after we bought the tickets, and even after multiple attempts by both my father and my mother to convince us that it was just a joke, that we were really there to do something fun. I bet my mother really wanted to kill my father when all the crying started, and I bet my father was totally bewildered over the hysterics. He probably imagined that we would only be excited to find out that we were getting a special treat, not that we would focus on what he originally said we were going to do.

Still, I had fond semi-memories* of the movie until it was released on video years later and I saw it again, and I swear I totally wanted to smack the crap out of Snow White and her breathy voiced wishy-washiness. What total tripe.

35. Annie Hall (1977)
36. The Bridge On The River Kwai (1957)
37. The Best Years Of Our lives (1946)
38. The Treasure Of The Sierra Madre (1948)
39. Dr. Strangelove (1964)-- One of Finbar's mother's favorite movies, I've seen this often enough that I ought to have it memorized. But I don't like it enough to devote the brain cells to it, and I don't dislike it enough to end up remembering it out of pure hatred.
40. The Sound Of Music (1965)-- Every. freaking. Easter. My father, surprisingly enough, loves this movie. I was very excited to recognize some places in Salzburg when I was there, though I never considered taking one of those Sound of Music tours. It also totally blew my mind that none of my new German friends had ever heard of the Sound of Music. I spent a lot of time trying to explain to people, most of whom just humored me out of kindness.
41. King Kong (1933)
42. Bonnie And Clyde (1967)
43. Midnight Cowboy (1969)
44. The Philadelphia Story (1940)
45. Shane (1953)
46. It Happened One Night (1934)
47. A Streetcar Named Desire (1951)
48. Rear Window (1954)
49. Intolerance (1916)
50. The Lord Of The Rings: The Fellowship Of The Ring (2001)-- On opening day. In a packed theater full of nerds, one of which was Finbar. It was a perfectly fine movie, I suppose, but so effing loooong, and I came within a hairsbreadth of strangling the two high school boys with the fake elf ears who kept kicking the back of my seat-- accidently, it should be said; they were just so excited about some stuff that they couldn't seem to control their limbs properly. I've also seen most of the second one, once when Ash and I were sick at the same time, beached in our bed with nothing but the cable tv to entertain us.
51. West Side Story (1961)-- Loved this one, too. See, I told you I was totally into musicals. I always wanted to play Anita in some summer stock production of West Side Story.
52. Taxi Driver (1976)
53. The Deer Hunter (1978)
54. M*a*s*h (1970)-- Never seen the movie, but the book was pretty good. Is this turning into a theme yet?
55. North By Northwest (1959)
56. Jaws (1975)-- Oh, man, my best friend in elementary school and I were scared to death of this movie.
57. Rocky (1976)-- Yes, and also several of the sequels, all in an attempt to keep up with the boys at church and not to be seen as a Stupid Girl.
58. The Gold Rush (1925)
59. Nashville (1975)
60. Duck Soup (1933)
61. Sullivan’s Travels (1941)
62. American Graffiti (1973)
63. Cabaret (1972)-- No, but I did use the title song as my audition piece for awhile, to much success.
64. Network (1976)
65. The African Queen (1951)
66. Raiders Of The Lost Ark (1981)-- The fact that this is not bolded right now is one of the great sources of despair for Ash.
67. Who’s Afraid Of Virginia Woolf? (1966)
68. Unforgiven (1992)
69. Tootsie (1982)-- Yes, several times, and yet, and yet, when this was one of the categories at Pub Quiz, I could not answer most of the questions. Neither could any of the rest of our team, even though we'd all seen the movie.
70. A Clockwork Orange (1971)
71. Saving Private Ryan (1998)-- I was so traumatized by the D-Day scenes in this movie that I literally did not sleep for several days afterward. But the rest of the movie is wonderful.
72. The Shawshank Redemption (1994)-- The fact that I hate this movie is another source of despair for Ash
73. Butch Cassidy And The Sundance Kid (1969)
74. The Silence Of The Lambs (1991)-- The movie was pretty good, but I saw it after I read the very very very very creepy book, which I loved. The sequels/ prequels were increasingly terrible, to the point where, after I stayed up to finish Hannibal, I ended up continuing to stay awake to read it again because I was certain that I'd missed something the first time that would have made the ending make some sense, then being so pissed off that I threw the book in the garbage. Let me tell you, I'd have to be pretty pissed off to throw a book in the garbage instead of putting it into the "sell to Half Price" pile
75. In The Heat Of The Night (1967)
76. Forrest Gump (1994)-- I saw this with a high school friend back when we were both working at K-Mart together. I was in Layaway, he was in Electronics, and we usually had time to kill on our hands, so we would call each other on the store phone. In order to make it look "legit" if a strict manager was on shift, we would page the other's department. After seeing this movie, Mike developed a fantastic Forrest impression, and would always page me as "Jenn-ay, please dial EEE-lek-tronics, Jenn-ay".

And I know that it's not cool anymore, but I love this movie beyond all reason and will bawl my eyes out by the end.

77. All The President’s Men (1976)
78. Modern Times (1936)
79. The Wild Bunch (1969)
80. The Apartment (1960)
81. Spartacus (1960)-- This was one of the movies that my 12th grade U.S. Government teacher showed during class, in lieu of actually teaching. I'm so glad that I had to come back to my U.S. high school to get that half credit of U.S. Government, instead of being allowed to graduate after 11th grade when I had all of my other credits completed and was leaving on a fairly prestigious exchange scholarship.
82. Sunrise (1927)
83. Titanic (1997)-- I may be the only woman in my age group in the Western World who has not seen this movie. It is, however, responsible for the development of my extreme aversion to Celene Dion.
84. Easy Rider (1969)
85. A Night At The Opera (1935)
86. Platoon (1986)
87. 12 Angry Men (1957)
88. Bringing Up Baby (1938)
89. The Sixth Sense (1999)-- As I explained above, there would seem to be no purpose to seeing this movie now.
90. Swing Time (1936)
91. Sophie’s Choice (1982)-- see M*A*S*H, above.
92. Goodfellas (1990)
93. The French Connection (1971)
94. Pulp Fiction (1994)-- You know, I really liked Reservoir Dogs, but I didn't think this movie really lived up to the hype.
95. The Last Picture Show (1971)
96. Do The Right Thing (1989)
97. Blade Runner (1982)
98. Yankee Doodle Dandy (1942)
99. Toy Story (1995)-- Pixar is so awesome.
100. Ben-hur (1959)-- Another annual Easter phenomenon in our house growing up. Ah, the chariot scene. So classic. Love the cars in the background.

Maybe I should see more movies. There's not a lot on this list that's bolded.

* After all, I was only about five at the time, maybe six. My memory isn't that clear.

Things I Am Excited About Right Now, TV Version

2008-05-17T23:52:00.004-05:00

I didn't realize this was out already-- and just now, I've discovered that Season 3 is about to come out, too!

I am torn between so-excited-I-could-just-spit and dreading-the-inevitable-ruin-of-the-best-reality-show-ever over this. The bit about simplifying it has me quite worried. There's more than enough utterly insipid crap on TV, ABC!

And right now, I am watching the M*A*S*H series finale, which I have always wanted to see, but have never once caught on re-runs.

Interviewing Skillz

2008-05-03T18:19:00.000-05:00

I don't often watch TV in the mornings. I may have mentioned this before, but I am really not a morning person. I prefer to stay under the nice warm covers as long as possible. In fact, there are times when I stay under the covers longer than is really advisable, since I am a lily-livered fool who finds it difficult to appreciate the action-consequence connection before coffee and at least a half hour of being both conscious and upright simultaneously. But springtime is unpredictable, weatherwise, in this neck of the woods, so I find that, even if I checked the weather the day before, it's often advisable to flip on the Weather Channel and wait for the Local on the 8s to come along.

As it happens, the next channel up from the Weather Channel rebroadcasts the local morning news, and the next channel up from that is CNN. So, some mornings, when I'm waiting for the weather to come along, I flip between these three channels, watching a few minutes of this, a few seconds of that, until I find out what direction my wardrobe should go. So this morning, I witnessed this little gem of a human interest-y story, about a baker somewhere-- California? Oregon? I missed the introduction to the story, so I'm not sure-- who has decided to try and grow his own wheat in an effort to cut his costs, in light of the rapid rise in flour prices over the past year.

At the moment that I joined the story, the interviewer asked the baker what the tipping point was for him, what made him decide to do this. The baker said something to the effect of Well, the price we've paid for flour has increase threefold over the past year-- TRIPLED!-- and we'd been talking about this for a while anyway. As you know, we're an organic bakery... hard to find the flour to begin with... etc, etc. Seems like a possible solution, and we're very attracted to the community aspect of the project, too. (Apparently some of their customers/ friends/ neighbors are going to help by planting some plots of wheat on their own land, which is kind of cool.) The interviewer was kind of going "uh huh, uh huh" while he was talking, and when he came to the end of his thought, she kind of looked down at her desk, as though she'd gotten caught not paying attention in class and was hoping to find the answer to the question the professor just asked magically written there...

and said "So, your costs doubled, then?"

The baker fixed her with a beady eye and said "No. They tripled." He didn't actually say "Jackass", but the tone of his voice definitely implied it.

Q&A, Luneray-style

2008-04-20T11:46:00.004-05:00

1. What is your occupation? Attorney, I suppose, although I don't practice right now. I'm really debating right now whether to stick with what I'm actually doing right now, or whether I want to move into practice somewhere. That, however, would be a topic for a very long post.

2. What color are your socks right now? I'm barefoot. The last pair of socks I had on were orange and white with palm trees and goldfish on them.

3. What are you listening to right now? I'm watching America's Next Top Model right now-- one of my guilty pleasures. It's so unintentionally funny sometimes!

4. What was the last thing that you ate? Waffles: one with lingonberry and whipped cream, one with cinnamon and sugar and whipped cream, and one with maple syrup.

5. Can you drive a stick shift? Weeeeellll... theoretically, yes. I learned in Denmark, driving a friend's SEAT on a deserted beachfront road. However, that was 13 years ago, and I haven't driven a stick shift since that summer. I'm not at all confident that I could do it now. But I'm sure I'd be able to re-learn it pretty quickly.

6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Luneray's answer is the same as what I would have chosen: midnight blue. Maybe one of the reasons we fit together so well?

7. Last person you spoke to on the phone? My mom. We spent nearly three hours on the phone yesterday.

8. Do you like the person who sent this to you? No one sent it to me, but I did steal it from someone I like a great deal. :-)

9. How old are you today? 32

10. Favorite drink? It changes all the time. Right now, I'm really hitting the Apfelschorle pretty hard. I'm also a big fan of belgian beers pretty much all the time.

11. What is your favorite sport to watch? D) None of the above.

12. Have you ever dyed your hair? Yes, most recently about two weeks ago. I've been staying pretty close to my natural color recently, but I also like to go a little bit red sometimes.

13. Pets? The irascible, intentionally incontinent Jenna-the-Cat

14. Favorite food? D) All of the above. No, really, I'm a big fan of food in general. Cheese is my biggest downfall, though.

15. Last movie you watched? I saw part of the MST3K episode, "The Girl In Gold Boots", which was not really their best effort. In fact, it was so bad that when I got a phone call during the movie, I took it, instead of ignoring the phone or asking the person if I could call them back later, and I didn't ask Ash to put the movie on pause. The last movie I saw all the way to the end was probably Kebab Connection. I thought it was hysterical, Ash thought it was nice that I enjoyed myself so much. "Zwei Handvoll Doener!". Hey, BTW, anyone have a clue why I can't make foreign characters on my new laptop? The old "ALT0246" trick doesn't work anymore since I got the new Dell running Vista.

16. Favorite Day of the year? I love the day when the leaves pop out on the trees. Screw Robin Redbreast,
that's the first sign of Spring as far as I'm concerned.

17. What do you do to vent anger? I yell, then I cry.

18. What was your favorite toy as a child? I had these little stuffed monkeys with velcro hands. They were named Jeff and Julie, after the little kids in the Sunday School books.

20. Hugs or kisses? Hugs. I'm entirely uncomfortable with the whole "kiss as greeting" thing. It just feels unnatural to me, but maybe that's just because of context-- it seems somehow pretentious here. Maybe I'd feel differently if I lived in France.

21. Cherry or Blueberry? This is entirely contextual as well. Are we talking "-flavor" or about the actual fruit? What kind of cherry? What am I eating it in/ with?

22. When was the last time you cried? Yesterday. I cried when the mom on Clean House gave up her boxes of books so that her girls could get nice new beds, and Miss Niecy asked her if it was hard for her to give up her books, and the mom said "Not for my girls. Anything for my girls." I'm totally tearing up right now, thinking about that. When did I turn into such a sap?

23. What is on the floor of your closet? Shoes, Jaffa crates full of candles, a couple of purses that fell off of the hooks behind the closet door, and a jumbo pack of paper towels. Also, a sweatshirt that Jenna likes to lay on when she's "hiding" behind the hems of my dresses.

24. Who is the friend you have had the longest? Hulio, who I met when I was 18.

25. Who is the friend you see the least and miss often? Luneray. I don't see Hulio as often as I wish I could (which would be almost every day) either, but at least she's only in the next state over instead of all the way on the other coast.

26. Favorite smells? Coffee brewing, rain, leaves on the ground in the Fall, the back of Ash's neck, laundry, used bookstores and old libraries.

27. Who inspires you? Y'all, I have totally been drinking the kool-aid: Barack Obama inspires me. Also, Madeleine Albright, who is absolutely one of my heros.

28. What are you afraid of? Spiders, needles, and heights.

29. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers? Cheese. Lots of it, preferably with mushrooms, or bacon, or maybe all three. Do you know what is delicious? Make a burger with a little A1 sauce in the meat, then melt a little Boursin cheese on top. Yum.

30. Favorite car? I don't really have one, per se. I like small-ish and fuel efficient.

31. Favorite dog breed? I love dachshunds, and greyhounds are really great, too. But then, I've not met many dogs I didn't like, ever.

32. Number of keys on your key ring? About 10.

33. How many years at your current job? Just over a year.

34 Favorite day of the week? Saturday.

35. Who is your favorite in-law? My sister-in-law, Liz. However, I should say that I have fantastic in-laws all round. I was very lucky that Ash's family are so welcoming and loving.

36. Do you think you're funny? Sometimes, I'm freaking hysterical. But only sometimes. I tend to take things too seriously to be truly funny.

Hopefully Spitzer Won't Follow In His Footsteps

2008-04-19T12:51:00.003-05:00

This past week's episode of This American Life, called "Leaving the Fold". The main story in the episode was about Jerry Springer. Yes, that Jerry Springer. It told the story of how he became a politician, paid for a hooker with a personal check, then went on to become a very popular mayor, moved on to become an even more popular anchor on the local news, and then morphed into the Jerry Springer show.

I think part of the reason why I liked this episode so much was that it proved to me that I'm not crazy. Or at least, anyway, my memories of Jerry Springer aren't all in my head. See, I grew up watching his nightly commentary on TV, and I distinctly remember when he started his talk show. It was very exciting to me, and I remember commenting to my friends that it was nice to see a talk show that was at a little more intellectual level than most of what was on network TV. I'm not sure when the words "intellectual" and "Jerry Springer Show" became polar opposites, exactly. I worked full time during the day, so I didn't get to see the show very often. In my mind, therefore, the change was overnight. I agreed with the sentiment expressed during the piece that this change is somewhat mystifying to those who "knew him when". Who is this guy, and what did he do with the real Jerry Springer?

The end of the segment was most interesting, and kind of sad at the same time. It detailed Jerry Springer's interest in getting back into politics. There were clips from a speech he gave that allowed you a glimpse into what is surely an intelligent and passionate mind, but contrasted sharply with his apparent unwillingness to sever ties with the otherwise insurmountable obstacle blocking his path to a return to the political sphere... makes him seem vaguely like a tragic figure, you know? And it makes me angry, perhaps unfairly or even unjustifiably, that this man who clearly knows better, is exploiting the very people he claims to want to help, and helping to fill our culture with so much ugliness, for the sake of the almighty dollar. What mighty things could he have accomplished if he had decided to turn his talents and energy toward something positive? What if he had built an empire based on finding the beauty and dignity in the world, instead of glorifying the basest and most degrading things he could find?

Cubicle Disaster Relief Directors

2008-04-15T19:07:00.000-05:00

Thankfully, since the office reconfiguration last year, I haven't seen-- or HEARD-- much of Ethel and Myrtle, other than the inevitable lunchroom run-ins with Ethel, who still seems to believe that the kitchen is actually there for her use, and the rest of us are using it only at her benevolent discretion. However, I did overhear this gem of a conversation while waiting for my leftovers to heat up:

Ethel: "Look at Mississippi. They aren't whining and complaining."

Myrtle: "Well, New Orleans took the brunt of it."*

Ethel: "Oh, no, Mississippi took the brunt."

Myrtle: "Well, the levees broke. That was the biggest problem."

Ethel: "No, the problem was that they had fifteen hundred school busses sitting there and you never even turned them on. You're gonna blame the federal government for that?!"

* I have no idea why they were talking about Hurricane Katrina. Maybe one of them saw something on TV?

Adult Swim

2008-04-14T17:46:00.001-05:00

I've been taking swimming lessons once a week, hoping to learn some new strokes and get better at the stroke I already knew. I really enjoy swimming at the gym, but I don't think I am a strong swimmer, and I get bored sometimes, doing the same stupid clumsy crawl up and down the lane. Most of all, I wanted to learn how to do the breaststroke. Ash has been trying to teach me how to do this off and on for the past two years, with no success. But it looks like so much fun when I see other people do it! I want to swim like the cool kids!

The classes have been so much fun. The ages and skill level covers a broad spectrum, and they take the lane markers out of the pool, which makes the hour a glorious mishmash of techniques, everyone swimming at their own pace, small groups forming and breaking up as the instructor holds small workshops on different strokes. One week, several of us learned a basic dive technique-- such an incredible rush to feel yourself plunge into the water like a knife, speeding down toward the bottom, catching yourself, and then breaking back through to the surface, ready to refill your lungs.

Anyway, about a third of the way through the course, I finally learned the breaststroke. With the instructor carefully watching and analyzing my flailing limbs, I put the pieces together a little at a time, until I accidentally did it right. Then I did it wrong for a while, got a few strokes in that were right, and kept plugging away at it. Two weeks later, I sort of got it down, albeit with some trouble doing all three pieces-- stroke, kick, and breathing-- at the same time. But I've gotten slightly better at it each class, and now I'm working on the timing of the three pieces, trying to improve the flow between pull-kick-glide. I was also pleased as punch to be complimented profusely on my crawl, which I've worked very hard on, concentrating on the angles of my hands, the trajectory of my arms, sometimes to the point where I suddenly realize that I've forgotten to keep kicking, and am chugging through the water by sheer force of my arms.

The other students are an interesting bunch. There's a very old man who can't swim at all. He's working really hard to master the flutter kick. Something just seems to go astray between his brain and his legs when he tries, but he comes back every week and spends an hour plugging away in the shallow end, patiently going back and forth. Another older man and his wife are occasional students in the class. He reminds me of a walrus, but a really friendly one who tells funny stories about his brother the beach bum in Hawaii. One guy about my age has spent the entire course talking about his dogs, and then in last week's class, he casually mentioned that he has three kids, surprising us all. A young-ish couple comes every week, and the girl wears a tiny bikini, as though she were headed for a sun-soaked spot on the French Riviera, instead of the ice cold waters of the high school swimming pool. A middle-aged woman brings a young woman with her most weeks. The young woman is blind in one eye, and seems to be mentally retarded. She's afraid of getting her face wet, and so she has learned to do the breaststroke without ever putting her head under the water. She likes to splash the middle aged woman, who I think is her mom (but I'm not sure) with her kicks. It makes her giggle and snort a little, especially if the other woman acts like she's all indignant at getting wet in the pool.

I'm really starting to love the smell of chlorine. This week is the last lesson for the Spring session, then there's a break for summer. I'm debating about taking a yoga class after this. But I'm definitely going to sign up for swimming again next fall.

There Are a Lot of Countries in the World

2008-03-27T21:06:00.003-05:00

131

I'm going to give myself carpal tunnel syndrome playing this game. It's completely addictive.

**Updated with new, higher score! I can't stop playing this game!

Running Through My Head For Some Reason

2008-03-23T22:14:00.005-05:00

When I was in Sweden, the grocery store chain nearest to the apartment I shared with Luneray had a chain of generic personal care products. It was called "Blåvitt" ("Bluewhite") and each product was packaged in white with big blue letters labelling the product name across the front. Now, when I say "the product name", I mean that in the most literal sense possible. For example, the tube of toothpaste has big blue letters spelling out "tandkräm" ("toothpaste"), and the moisturizer is called "hudkräm" ("face cream").

When I packed for the summer, I took full sized bottles of all of my personal care products with me. My theory was that it would save me a little money, given the weak dollar* and the fact that conventional wisdom warned me that everything would be very expensive, and it would also trick me into having some space left in my luggage at the end of the trip to pack all the things I bought. Things worked pretty well-- I found myself running low on most things during my last week in Sweden, just in time to throw out the bottles in favor of packing some of the nine thousand books I'd bought. The one thing that I ran out of quickly was toothpaste. I hadn't packed a full tube for some reason-- maybe I just didn't have a full tube on hand. I did pack in something of a hurry-- and I ran out just past the halfway mark.

So I went to Konsum and bought a tube of tandkräm. And I packed the tube of tandkräm when I left for Germany... and eventually brought it all the way back to the States. There was just something about the big blue label exuberantly announcing to everyone, "Hey! There's TANDKRÄM in here!" Even after the tandkräm** was basically gone, I kept the tube in the medicine cabinet, and it made me happy to see it there.

I finally threw it out when I was packing to move in to this apartment with Ash. We were having lots of discussions about paring down our possessions at the time, and it just seemed like the right thing to do. Still, sometimes I miss seeing that little blue and white tube twice a day, every day, reminding me of the fun I had living with Luneray.

*which, wow, wouldn't it be great if we had that kind of exchange rate now?

** I bet you guys will never forget how to say toothpaste in Swedish. Maybe you can win a bar bet or something with that knowledge. Or at least you can rest assured that you'll be able to maintain proper oral hygiene should you ever end up in Sweden.

Please Explain Something to Me

2008-03-09T22:27:00.001-05:00

Who the heck are the Kardashians and why does America want to keep up with them so very badly?

I Think It's a Good Omen

2008-02-24T14:01:00.002-05:00

There was a bakery in our old neighborhood that Ash and I loved very much. It was literally just behind the apartment building where he lived, and when we first started dating, we went there at least once or twice a week, sometimes during the week (the bus that took us to law school stopped right in front of their door), and at least one weekend morning. When he moved a few blocks up the street and I graduated from law school, our trips became less frequent, but didn't stop entirely, especially when the weather was good and we could walk from Ash's place to the bakery, then from the bakery to a little park a few blocks further away. We would sit at a picnic table or on a bench, eating pastries, or if we'd been especially lucky that day, some of the much sought-after scones, and sipping coffee. Ash always tried to get a certain woman there to make the coffees because he said that it just tasted better for some reason-- a magic touch with the creamer and sugars, I suppose.

Then we moved to the neighborhood where we live now. And it's far enough away that we almost never made it back to the bakery in our old neighborhood. And then one day, I drove past on my way to church, and the bakery was closed. No warning, just poof, gone. It was one of those gasp-out-loud-and-nearly-hit-the-guy-in-front-of-you moments. We asked some of our friends if they knew what had happened to it, but they were as much in the dark as we were. Small details emerged over time, but nothing more substantial than the will-o-the-wisp of rumor: the baker was forced out when the building owners more than doubled his rent, the business had gone under, he'd moved to a nearby street... All of it plausible, but none of it confirmed.

A couple of months later, I drove past again, on my way to a Trustees meeting at the church, and the windows were covered with large sheets of paper. Large letters were painted on the paper, announcing that a new and exciting place would be OPENING SOON! with a DELI and a BAKERY and UNICORNS! Okay, maybe not that last one. Anyway, after the meeting, I asked our pastor if he'd heard anything about the fate of our beloved bakery. Pastor Fred is very involved in the neighborhood association, and he's also got a bit of a sweet tooth, so really, if anyone would know what happened, he'd be as likely a candidate as anyone. He told me that the baker had opened new premises maybe a mile or so away, in the border area between my old neighborhood, and a slightly sketchier neighborhood.

It was dark by the time the meeting adjourned, but the next Sunday after church, I drove over to the corner Fred had described, but I couldn't figure out where the bakery was supposed to be. Ash and I made a second reconnaissance trip, which involved me circling the block several times at the slowest speed that wouldn't result in getting honked at by other drivers with actual destinations while we both gawked out the window at the shops passing by. No luck.

I'd say we gave up at that point. Except actually, I didn't, because I would just google the name of the bakery and the baker every so often, hoping for a little article in some local newspaper or trade journal to either tip me off to where he went, or at least what had happened. And early last week, I finally hit pay dirt in the form of the neighborhood newsletter, which listed his new address and asked everyone to support him in his new location. I promptly googled the new address... and Google pointed me right to the corner we'd cased all those months ago. I could not understand it. We'd even pulled the car over to the side of the road so that we could take a closer look at the shops-- a closed Slovak bakery (no relation to our beloved missing bakery), an upholsterer's shop, a wedding shop, but definitely no sign of our missing bakery.

This morning, I went to church, and after services, I decided to take a little drive past the corner again. On the first go round, I started to stop and look, but a car was coming up behind me, so I went around the block again. I stopped the car near the corner and looked: closed Slovak bakery, upholsterer, wedding dresses. Disappointed, I started to drive away toward the highway.

That's when the baker crossed the street right in front of my car. He walked up to the door of the shop on the very end of the row and went inside.

I almost peed my pants I was so excited.

Back around the block again, park the car, walk up to the door, and push it open, heart pounding with excitement and anticipation... Holy Cow! It's our bakery! The woman behind the counter wasn't anyone I recognized from the old location, but the pastries in the case were definitely the same deliciousness, and there in the back was the baker himself. I cannot imagine what my face must have looked like. The woman behind the counter said "You look like you want to say something", and I burst out, "I can't BELIEVE I found you!!", grinning like a fool.

Not only did I find our long lost bakery, but they had Mohnschnecken! Oh, man, do I love poppyseed pastries. And they had one last cherry cheese pocket-- Ash's favorite. So here I am, on the couch in my snuggly fleece pants, drinking nice strong coffee and trying not to eat my last Mohnschnecke-- I want to save it for tomorrow, to start my spa day off with a special treat. This is a good start to thirty-two.

Alles Gute zum Geburtstag!

2008-02-23T23:10:00.002-05:00

In less than one hour, I will be thirty-two... or, as we are calling it at our house, "Thirty-too-good-to-be-true". I'm pretty excited, because my thirties have been getting better and better every year. And I have big plans for celebrating.

Tonight, I cracked open the very lovely bottle of wine that Luneray brought for our wedding. It is delicious, smoky and smooth, just the sort of wine I like, and Ash hates, which means it's all mine.

Tomorrow, we're going to dinner at a lovely restaurant that offers a chef's tasting menu that often features words like "goat cheese", "lamb", and "polenta". I've been drooling all week thinking about it. There is also a birthday flan waiting in the refrigerator.

And Monday, I am going to the spa where we had all our stuff done before the wedding. An entire day of pampering has been booked, beginning with a very long massage. This was actually my mother-in-law's suggestion, and she sent me a gift certificate several weeks ago. Ash arranged for the little spa treat to turn into a full spa day.

When I was thirty, I graduated from law school and got engaged. When I was thirty-one, I passed the bar exam and got married. I wonder what this year has in store for me?

Anticipation

2008-02-14T22:21:00.003-05:00

A new laptop has been ordered and should arrive in the next week or so. I hope it's much sooner rather than later, because this being a one-computer family really sucks, especially when my husband needs the computer for important job and Patent Bar stuff, which sort of, kind of trumps my "but I need to blog!" whining, I suppose.

Ash actually just started a brand new, shiny full time job. In one of those funny little twists, he's been hired as an immigration attorney-- a field in which he didn't have a particular interest, per se, but I certainly did. It's a very small firm, which means that he's getting excellent experience from the start. In fact, he'll be handling his first case in court next month. I'm so happy that he's getting this opportunity. It's going to be fantastic for him.

In other news, I have officially become a resident of Our Fair State. In the process of doing so, I have become convinced that this is, without doubt, the most bureaucratic state in the Union. We're talking French levels of bureaucracy.

For example: in order to get a driver's license, you must prove that you are a resident of the state. The way that you prove that you are a resident is to show two pieces of evidence from the following list: a lease, a mortgage, utility bill, tax document, W-2, or a weapons permit. As of September, when I wanted to actually take care of this, I could produce only the first item. Our utilities are included in our rent, so we don't have separate bills for them, and the cable is in Ash's name. And wouldn't count anyway, as cable and mobile phone service are not considered "utilities" by the Bureau of Motor Vehicles. So I had to wait until I received my W-2 for the year to get my driver's license changed, despite the fact that I had a lease and a W-2 from last year, because those are considered "expired" or out of date now. I took the documents together with my marriage certificate to the BMV. You have to go to a desk to get a number, take your documents to a second desk when your number is called, where you will fill out a form and show your documents-- and it should be noted that they did not look at my documents. They only glanced at the papers in my hand to see if they existed. I could have given them old worksheets from Spanish for Lawyers. Then you go to a third desk, where you answers some questions on a touch screen while a BMV worker yawns at a chair behind the desk. Just to be clear, the worker does not ask you the questions or in any way participate in this process. You read the questions on the screen and pick your responses from a list of choices. Then you go to a fourth desk where your picture is taken. A few minutes later, they give you a driver's license with a big, red "TEMPORARY" stamped across it. This is because your picture has to be run up against a database of some sort before your official driver's license is issued and mailed to you. Presumably they're checking to make sure that you're not a terrorist or something.

Getting my license plates has entailed multiple trips to a different agency (which, seriously, is still blowing my mind-- why are plates and licenses handled by two different agencies??), with a different set of required forms and proofs. It also took exactly four weeks longer.

Now, I just have to find the WD-40 so that I can get the screws loose from my old plates, and I will be totally legit! Hooray!

Look, It's Not Personal, It's Just Business

2008-02-12T22:42:00.001-05:00

One of the less pleasant things that I do in my job is to review customer requests for termination of their contracts. If the customer's agreement does not provide for an early termination, they are stuck until the end of their term. We don't generally let people cancel their contracts just because they change their minds or are having financial trouble. This is usually not something that the customer wants to hear, and sometimes they get quite upset. Occasionally, they even get a little huffy and rude, but the guy I talked to the other day really took the cake.

Unlike many of these requests, this guy didn't claim that he had the right to terminate. In fact, he admitted right at the outset that he did not have any right to terminate, but said that he was hoping we would offer him some sort of a settlement so that he could pay and be done with the contract. This is also something that we don't usually do, but sometimes we will offer a settlement based on the net present value of the remaining contract term, if the circumstances warrant. So I went out and got the approvals from our finance people, and I called the guy back to negotiate. As soon as I mentioned my opening figure, he got extremely angry. There was much bluster about how he'd been our customer for 39 years (odd, given that we'd pulled a credit report on the company and it was founded in the late 1980s) and he just can't believe that we do business that way-- because apparently in this guy's vast experience as a businessman lo these 39 years, insisting that people fulfill their contractual obligations just isn't done?

I explained to him again that he doesn't actually have the right to end his contract early, and asked him if he had a counteroffer. After yelling for a bit about how I never asked him that (ummmmm... I'm pretty sure I just did), he came back with a figure that would essentially amount to me letting him out of more than half the remaining term of his contract, so I advised him that such an amount was not even in the ballpark of what we were willing to consider. This set off a wave of increasingly belligerent "questions" along the lines of "Well, don't you feel bad doing this to me?" and (this one's an actual quote) "Is your conscience going to let you sleep tonight?"

Let's all take a moment to recall that we are not talking about me denying him a kidney transplant, or foreclosing on his house, or even repossessing his car. We're talking about my refusal to allow him to break a business contract that he entered into knowingly (and I was actually talking to the person who signed the contract, so it's not like he inherited someone else's bad decision or anything)-- and also that the total dollar amount of the remaining contract term is in the very low five figures. My car cost more than the amount that this guy was getting so angry over.

When I didn't break down in tears, apologizing for my lack of understanding for his feelings and offer to let him out right away, he threatened to "call [his] attorney". I guess he thought that would scare me into doing his will, but honestly, even if it weren't true that I, myself, am an attorney, he should have realized that a big company like mine has a whole stable of lawyers. My calm reply of "That's fine. If he has any questions, or if he needs me to forward him a copy of your agreement to review, please have him call me, and I'll be glad to provide him with the information he needs" was apparently not the response he wanted either, because he really started to lose his cool, and said to me "Well, if I treated people the way you're treating me, welllll... you'd just better get down on your knees and pray to Jesus for forgiveness."

Seriously? Are you kidding me?

One of my colleagues recently had a conversation that went something like this:

"I've reviewed your agreement with us, and paragraph 12 states that you cannot terminate for any reason during the initial five year term. You still have four years remaining in that initial term, so the earliest date that you will be able to terminate this contract is January 2012."

"Says you!"

Says you?? I would have been too flabbergasted for words. Ann, however, very dryly responded, "No, says paragraph 12 of your agreement."

Other customers have screamed and yelled about how their business is already failing and I should have more sympathy. I would dearly love to reply to these customers "I'm very sorry to hear that your business is failing. However, the fact that you have made some bad business decisions doesn't mean that I should make them. My company is doing very well because we don't make decisions based on feeling sorry for someone. Please explain to me how it would be a good business decision for my company if I to allow you to back out of your obligation to us. What's in it for my company if you get to break your contract just because you don't want to pay for it anymore? NOTHING. Which means that it would be a bad decision on my part. And I don't want my business to fail, so I'm trying to avoid making bad decisions wherever possible." However, in the interest of keeping my job, I usually have to be satisfied with saying things about "obligations" and "I need to make the best decision for My Company here, and I'm afraid that means we are not going to allow you to break your contract early." This may be professional, but it is not satisfactory.

I wish that I could skip this part of the job and deal strictly with document drafting, negotiating new contracts, and helping to develop the new training program.

Such a Cliche

2008-01-13T19:05:00.000-05:00

My laptop warranty expired at the end of September. By the end of November, the battery would no longer hold a charge for more than a couple of minutes at a time. By the end of December, the laptop would not boot up unless it was plugged in for the battery to charge up to at least half way, and then only if you left it plugged in the whole time-- kind of defeating the main purpose of having a laptop. So I went online and bought a new battery on eBay, thinking that would buy me a little more time before I have to go buy another laptop. Our cash is otherwise spoken for at this very moment, so I couldn't really go out and just buy another laptop anyway, unless I decided to buy a strange off-brand with no memory from some place like Bob's House of Laptops, and that just seems short-sighted.

I got the new battery in record time, charged it up and WOO HOO! the laptop works again. WorkED again. Because, hahahahahaha, now it's making a very loud grinding, whirring noise that, to judge by the search results on google, probably means the hard drive is about to go.

So. Fun!

Not Too Surprising

2008-01-08T19:05:00.000-05:00

86% Mike Gravel
83% Dennis Kucinich
78% Barack Obama
76% John Edwards
75% Joe Biden
75% Chris Dodd
73% Hillary Clinton
62% Bill Richardson
37% Rudy Giuliani
28% Ron Paul
24% John McCain
20% Tom Tancredo
18% Mitt Romney
17% Mike Huckabee
8% Fred Thompson

2008 Presidential Candidate Matching Quiz

I took a similar quiz back in 2004, and Dennis Kucinich was my closest match back then. And somehow, I'm not at all shocked that I disagree with Huckabee and Romney on almost everything. It would be my dream to just once have a major election where I felt really excited about a candidate, instead of just voting for the least distasteful choice or for the guy running against the one I want to keep from taking office.

Geography According to Ethel and Myrtle

2008-01-07T22:48:00.000-05:00

Cleaning out my draft folder and found this little blast from the past: Travels in Europe with Ethel and Myrtle!

******************************

They're yapping about how beautiful, Prague, Czechoslovakia is (and every time they refer to that particular place, they say it exactly like that: Pragueczechoslovakia), and planning their trip to Czechoslovakia. Should I tell them that they're over a decade too late?

Oh, and everyone in Munich is short, chubby and blonde. It's all I can do to keep from yelling over the wall that those are the American tourists.

*******************

I am so very glad that I no longer have to listen to their inane chatter all day long.

Civility Is Dead

2008-01-04T22:53:00.000-05:00

This was in an email correspondence that I was forwarded. The writer is one of the lawyers in our legal department. The recipient? An area director, who had the temerity to suggest that we accept a customer’s paper, when we’ve accepted this customer’s paper on more than one occasion in the past.

"Did you read the attached form agreement? While it may be "kinder and friendlier" (whatever that means), it is also "extremely lacking" when it comes to key terms and basic requirements of Our Company. And although we may have signed these things before, we are certainly not in the practice of signing such forms now--we are much more mature, and our policies, process and requirements are much more refined."

Well, then. Wonder why people have the impression that lawyers are arrogant jerks?

Taking Stock, 2007 Edition

2008-01-01T13:36:00.000-05:00

More money or less?
Well, given the fact that 2007 saw me in my first real, full-time, related to my education employment, I am pleased that I can answer this question "more". Finally.

Biggest way to waste time?
Playing Katamari Damacy. I got this from Luneray for a passing the bar exam gift and wisely put it away until after the wedding madness was over, because this may be the single most addictive game ever invented. The music, the insane animation, the bizarre premise... it all adds up to "Holy cow, is it 1 a.m. already???"

Best use of time?
Much as I hate to say it, the most productive thing I did this year was to plan the wedding. I think our friends and family had a good time, which was one of our biggest goals in planning things. Even better, Ash and I had a perfect day. It was really lovely and I had so much fun celebrating with many of the people who are dearest to me.

Best movie?
Hoo boy, I'll tell you what it wasn't: Soylent Green. I mean, really. WHY is this a cultural milestone?? How did it ever get to be popular at all?

But in all seriousness, we thoroughly enjoyed Ratatouille and laughed ourselves sick at Borat and Blades of Glory. I also really liked Knocked Up, which kind of surprised me. I'd agreed to see it only because Ash wanted to see it so badly, but I ended up liking it at least as much as he did.

Listened to?
In my memory, 2007 will be the year of the Rat Pack. We listened to a lot of Sinatra back when we were trying to put together the music for the reception.

Read?
Continuing with the theme of "I'm a couple of years behind the times", I read "Into Thin Air" right around New Year's, inspired by the Discovery Channel series Beyond the Limit. I enjoyed it enough that I also read "Under the Banner of Heaven". "Funny in Farsi" was a birthday present from my parents, and I gave myself "Neither East nor West", which I have to say, really made me want to go to Iran. Seems like I read a lot more than this-- at least, I sure paid a lot more in library fines than such a short list should warrant. Ohhhhh, yeah. I paid a lot in fines for a whole bunch of wedding planning books.

Fatter or thinner?
Fatter. I gained a lot of weight when I had to stop working out after the accident, and I haven't managed to lose it yet.

Smarter or stupider?
Hm. Well, I kind of feel about the same. It was sort of a fallow year, but I really needed that.

Best buy?
My new car. It took me awhile to let go of my anger over the loss of my old car so that I could really enjoy it, but now I love, love, love my Matrix.

Best bargain?
The wine for our wedding. I got a fantastic deal on it, especially after the bulk discount was added.

Stupidest purchase?
The refrigerator full of groceries that I didn't move before the electricity in my old apartment got cut off when I moved. I'd totally forgotten that I arranged for the electricity to be shut off a little before the end of the month, since we were planning to be fully moved into the new place long before then. And then the move took much longer than we'd anticipated, and I never thought to call and change the date... Cleaning that mess up was one of the messiest and most annoying things I've ever had to do.

Drank the most?
Blue Moon. It seems to have become my default beer. It seems that most places have it, often on tap. The faux-Irish pub around the corner where we go to pub quiz always has it on tap, so that kind of boosts my consumption of it, too.

Best drink?
Southern Tier Imperial Pumpking beer. We went to a beer tasting that was all pumpkin beers, and this was the hands down winner. It tastes like dessert, but it's not sweet. It reminds me of toasted marshmallows and graham crackers, but it's also really pumpkin-y.

Ate the most?
Cheese. Baked brie... smoked gouda... goat cheese aged in merlot... camembert... kashkaval... double gloucester and chive torte... mmmmmmm

Worst food eaten?
So I decided one day that I would try to invent a goulash recipe, loosely based on the ingredient list on a pre-packaged mix I bought at an import market. My big mistake was to underestimate the heat and bitterness of hot paprika-- especially after it's been simmering for awhile. The thing is, it wasn't that it tasted bad, it's just that the bitter note and the heat made it taste much less delicious than the smell promised.

Best food eaten?
The Seafood Newberg that our wedding caterer made. I went to look at a dress that some woman posted on Craigslist last January, back when we started planning the wedding in earnest. The dress didn't fit, but the woman who was selling it recommended the hall and caterer she was going to use, and both she and her fiance advised us multiple times to make sure that we tried the Seafood Newberg when we had our tasting session. They were so right. On both recommendations as it turned out, but especially about the Seafood Newberg.

I'm hungry now.

New friends found?
Maybe. I get along really well with another woman in my office and it's kind of at the point right now where it might develop into a outside-of-work friendship, which would be pretty cool.

Old friends lost?
Not so much lost as "gotten further away". Almost all of my good friends have left Our Fair City in the past year or so, following jobs to greener pastures. One of the hardest parts of being a grown up is the fact that friendships don't last forever, and that doesn't come from a lack of sincerity or lack of effort. It's just that life changes constantly and so do some of our relationships, and it's a lot harder to maintain a long distance friendship when you're being torn in a thousand different directions at work, at home, with your family responsibilities, than it was back when getting good grades and working 30 hours a week in the KMart layaway were my big concerns.

Resolutions not kept?
I actually didn't make any resolutions last year. Guess I was just too in love or something. For the record, my resolutions this year are:
1) Get a thicker skin at work. I cannot continue to let a certain recurring problem get under my skin the way it has the past several months.
2) Get to work earlier in the morning so that I can leave earlier at night.
3) Learn something new-- a new skill, for example.
4) Get back to blogging regularly. I miss the creative outlet.

Missed chances?
For once, I can't think of any opportunities that I let get away. Maybe I'm just blocking it out.

Fears?
That there would be family drama, especially involving my sister, at the wedding. Luckily turned out to be mostly unfounded-- everyone was very mature, and Amy's small outburst was quickly defused thanks to the pastor's wonderful wife.

Biggest success?
Being chosen by my colleagues for the departmental award for most valuable contribution to 4th quarter results. I must admit that I've been feeling pretty frustrated at work lately after being assigned to clean up and tame the huge, monster, out-of-control account that no one had ever really given any actual attention. It's been very difficult to see progress and feels very much like my own personal Groundhog Day some days. But it really felt great to find out that other people see the good work that I've done and appreciate it, too.

Biggest failure?
I must say that I am very pleased by the fact that I've been sitting here trying to think of a real failure for the year, and I'm having trouble coming up with one. If I have to answer, I suppose it would be gaining weight when I've worked so hard to keep it off. But somehow that doesn't seem like a big enough deal to say it's my biggest failure.

I fervently hope that I have the same problem writing this post next year.

Healthier or Sicker?
Sicker. That office is like a big petri dish. The parents all catch the plague from their kids who catch it at daycare, then they bring it to the office and spread it around to everyone else. I'll tell you what, I got a flu shot as soon as possible this year.

Best spontaneous fun?

Learned the most?
More than I ever wanted to know about the bridal industry and its dirty underbelly.

What I definitely don’t want to see in the next year?
Another car accident. I'm still not quite 100% back to where I was. Sometimes my back just hurts. It's kind of scary. Will it be like this my whole life?

TV puke?
Why is Nancy Grace not only still on the air, but apparently more and more successful? WHY? WHY??

TV-Wow?
Robot Chicken is always worth staying up late.

Biggest change?
Well, getting married was kind of a big deal.

Seriously, though, right after the wedding, I really didn't feel any different. Now, though, I sort of do, sometimes. It's hard to explain. I love being married to Ash and spending our lives together. I love making plans for our future together. I am looking forward to maybe even starting a family together. And I'm not any different from the person I was on September 20. But at the same time, I am. It just kind of strikes me every once in a while that I am a married woman. I am someone's wife. And that feels sort of... solemn. But also very sweet and exciting. It makes me so incredibly happy to see Ash sitting next to me on the couch and know that we're married.

Biggest loss for mankind?
The continued insistence by some of our nation's leaders that global warming is a hoax, and that even if it's not a hoax, it's really nothing to be worried about.

Biggest Disappointment?
Yet another year has gone by and I have not become independently wealthy without needing to earn the money. Where is my lottery jackpot? Where is my large inheritance from a previously unknown distant relative?