For the Love Of...

I don't know which part of today's exam was my favorite:

• The part where the professor wrote in the instructions of the exam "There are two questions, each weighted equally", but then when you turned to question #2, it turned out to consist of six different parts, each addressing a distinct issue and requiring its own separate answer. I don't know where this professor took math, but in my book, that's a total of seven questions, not two.

OR

• THe part where, one hour and twenty-odd minutes into the three hour exam, my computer suddenly and with no warning whatsoever died. The screen went blank. I checked the plug and lo and behold, the outlet at my seat had just stopped working at some point after I started the exam. Luckily, no one was sitting in the seat directly behind me, so I plugged in there and pushed the power button, which is how you come out of hibernate mode. If the battery runs out, the laptop is supposed to go into hibernate mode until you get some juice to run it on and turn it back on. However, instead of simply restarting, it started to reboot.
  

I nearly puked.

Was my exam lost? Would I be able to reopen it? What the heck just happened, anyway? Then I found that the exam software wouldn't let my computer complete the rebooting process. I felt the jaws of panic closing in on me. I looked wildly around for the proctor, in hopes that they had some magic cure, but there was no proctor in the room.* I didn't really know what to do at that point, but there was no time to dither about, so I tore upstairs to the Registrar's Office, waited impatiently behind two other students turning in take home exams, then dumped my tale of woe on the Nice Registrar Lady, who in turn called one of the lazy tech guys from upstairs. She sent me back to the room with some Kleenex and a quick pat on the arm, and the assurance that the tech guy would be right down.

I waited in the hallway just outside the door to the room, not wanting to unnecessarily disturb the other students taking the exam. It seemed most considerate to tell the tech guy my story outside the room. And I waited and waited, and started to wonder if he was coming at all, or if he had decided to step outside for a smoke (since, as far as the students can tell, that's how they spend at least four hours every day)-- in fact, I decided to step over to the windows to see if they were, in fact, smoking (for once, they weren't). Finally, finally he showed up and did some sort of mumbo jumbo that I couldn't see because I was busy trying to find my train of thought again, and then he turned my laptop back around and my exam was there OH JOYOUS DAY. I cannot begin to describe the feeling of relief I felt at the sight of my work, still there! still intact!

I lost about fifteen minutes to this crap, plus the time that it took me to calm back down and get my train of thought-- thouroughly derailed by panic-- back on the right track, and I could have really used the time to answer the seven questions posed, but what can you do?

Really though, I'm not too worried; to be perfectly honest, I didn't spend much time studying for this exam at all. My motivation isn't as high as it used to be. As several of us 3Ls have grown fond of chanting: D stands for Diploma!

*Damn, I guess I missed my chance to cheat my way to an A. Oh, wait: it was open book. Guess cheating wasn't really an option anyway.

Is This Place Still Up to Code?

The elevators still are not working properly. The heating and cooling system seems to do the exact opposite of what the appropriate response to the weather would be. Now the wireless—always spotty in some parts of the school, but normally reliable in the library—isn’t working. Oh, and my last class was cancelled due to a foul odor in the classroom. No one from the administration seemed to be too anxious to locate the source of the noxious smell (and boy howdy was it nasty). What in the hell are they spending my tuition money on? Apparently not maintenance.

Thanks For the Heads Up

They've posted signs at all of the elevators today, announcing that one of the two elevators is undergoing "major repairs" and that there may be long delays due to the fact that only one elevator will be in service. Which makes me ask: how, exactly, is this different from nearly every other day of the past three years?

Intellectual Theft Deterrent

They must have reset the sensors at the doors to the library and chosen a much more sensitive setting, because they're sounding the alarm almost every time anyone goes through them. Not that there's anything remotely obnoxious about the repetitious beep beeeeep beeeeep beeeeep while I'm trying to wade through this stupid cite and source. I bet the aides at the front desk are ready to pull their hair out.

Full Regalia

$63.61.

That's how much it costs to rent your cap and gown for graduation. When I bought my undergraduate cap and gown, it cost $16. Even.

I can't decide which mystery is keeping me awake at night more effectively: why it's so expensive to effing RENT the regalia, or where the 61 cents came from. Why not $63? Why not $64? And why can't I keep my hood? I don't particularly want the gown itself. (Although it could make a splendid Halloween costume: I'm thinking old British judge or something.) But dammit, I want my hood.

It's also a glorious mish mosh of colors: Blue and darker blue and gold and purple. I must admit though, that I'm looking forward to wearing a color other than black or red. When I looked at law schools, I rejected out of hand any schools that had red and black as their school colors. I just couldn't face YET ANOTHER phase of my education dominated by those colors.

So, $63.61. It might have been nice had we been given more than two days notice of the fact that we were going to have to be measured and pony up the bucks during a specific four hour time span on one given day, but I guess that was just too hard to coordinate or something. And of course, when I say "be measured", I mean a representative of SBA handed you a paper tape measure to wrap around your own head to get the proper cap size. Alternatively, there was a communal pile of caps you could try on until you found the one that fit the best. So, now that I think about it, I'm not certain why the measurements had to be taken during that specific time period. It's not like they had representatives from Herff Jones measuring us for a tailor fit or something. I guess there's something I just don't understand about the whole process. Just like I don't understand why it costs $63.61 to rent a cap, a gown, a hood, and a tassel for a few hours.

When I'm Sixty-Six

“They have big computers that keep track of your income and your FICA taxes, and it projects out your potential benefits. Every year or two you get a statement from the federal government that tells you how much you’ll get. That’s why I show up here every year.”

This lesson is depressing me because I don’t know how I’m supposed to live on the salary I’m likely to earn... forget about saving for retirement. All I can say is you young whippersnappers better work harder, because I’m going to need a LOT of Social Security when I get old.

Is It So Much To Ask?

I know we’ve only been back from break for three weeks, and the dispenser has only been empty since before Fall Semester exams, but I really would have thought that the soap in the Women’s Restroom could have been refilled by now.

Cost Benefit Analysis

While I appreciate the potential disruption of the learning environment that can occur when students come in late, I would dare say that interrupting the lecture three separate times in the first ten minutes to scold the latecomers and impress on the class your intense desire for everyone to take traffic disruptions into account and be certain to arrive on time is even more disruptive and is unlikely to have a great effect on the chronically late. Extreme lateness is one thing. Wandering in four minutes after class starts is another. And if the same students are late over and over, perhaps a chat with those students outside of class is in order.

Just a friendly thought. Love you otherwise; today’s lecture was great. I'm really enjoying this class. In fact, I'm sad that I don't have another chance to take classes with you. But really, let's be reasonable.

Avoidance of Madness

I need to buy one more book, which for some unfathomable reason was not included in the book list for this semester (*gasp* Inaccuracy in materials from the Adminstration? Never!). However, I do not want to face the insanity that is the university bookstore at the beginning of a semester. It's worse than Walmart on Christmas Eve after the malls have closed.

I also need to take some packages to the post office for mailing. But I don't want to deal with the insanity there either, where the single counter worker seems to have a personal mission to explore exactly how slowly a person can move without actually inciting a riot.

So, here I am, sitting in the Student Lounge, blogging and eating. My lunch was particularly yummy-- leftover palak paneer and a fresh green salad with balsamic vinagrette, in case you were wondering-- and I'm contemplating a hot tea. I have to check and see if the tea leaves are still in my locker. That, however, would require me to actually move. This is problematic.

Does anyone ever come back to classes feeling excited? All I've heard all day is "God, I didn't want to come back!" and "Man, break was far too short!" I am a little weirded out by the fact that this is the last first day of classes I will ever have, but a little excited, too. Sometimes it seems like I just started law school; other times it seems like I've always been here and will always be here.

Alrighty, then. Off to *do* stuff.

"Needs Improvement"

Instead of doing professor evaluations at the end of the semester, I think we should give fellow student evaluations. The professors are tenured and set in their ways for the most part. I have no illusions that my writing “This professor’s lectures are disorganized and he regularly tells students they are stupid if they cannot answer his questions” will have any effect whatsoever. But there are some students here who desperately need to be told exactly why they are so annoying and how they can improve. So, in the spirit of the end of the semester, I hereby open my comments for your fellow student evaluations.

Note to Professor Marx

If it’s supposed to be a “joke” and no one laughs, there’s a bit of a problem—and it’s not with the audience.

Things I Bet You Never Knew

According to the speaker on Lawyers and Substance Abuse, if you claim to drink alcoholic beverages of any description because you like the taste, you are LYING and need to “get honest with yourself about why you consume alcohol”.

Begging For the Sweet Release of Death

Another Tuesday, another mind-numbing Mental Health Law class. I feel a little guilty thinking this today because instead of a regular lecture, today we have student presentations. Obviously, everyone had to put work into the preparation of their presentations and we all know how scary it can be to stand up in front of a group of people to speak. But it’s incredibly boring to sit here and listen to presentation after presentation. I’ve caught myself grinding my teeth and I could gladly put my head down on the desk and go right to sleep, even though I had plenty of good sleep last night. I cannot wait to go to the gym tonight and burn off this frustration.

Hooray!

Mental Health Law (a.k.a. The Worst Class Offered at Our Law School) is cancelled for today! That makes me want to boogie down right in the middle of the student lounge.

Overheard

In lecture, said by the professor:

"On 9/11, the people who were doing the terrorists were here legally."

Conjugal visits before martyrdom, eh?

Dread

You know things are bad when you're thinking of an impending class and the unbidden desire to throw yourself on the floor and start kicking and screaming "You can't make me go!" is nearly overwhelming in intensity.

This Profession Attracts Them

I had to snicker a little this morning when Professor Marx took a full five minutes to announce that class would end early today because he’s “in the middle of a big deal” that just cannot be put off because it’s soooooo important and they really want to announce it for the beginning of the forth quarter. Five full minutes! You could just tell he wanted us to ooooo and aaaaahhh at how very important, smart, powerful, and handsome he is.

Don't Flatter Yourself

I’ve spoken well of professors who are practicioners or former practicioners, as opposed to someone who got really good grades at Harvard or Yale and decided to stay in school to teach. I’m afraid I’ll have to make an exception for Professor Strap.

He is the partner in charge of immigration at a Very Big local law firm and teaches Immigration Law as an adjunct each year. I have been looking forward to taking Immigration Law since before I even started law school and was majorly bummed out when I didn’t get into the class last year. I should just learn my lesson about “interesting” classes already and stop getting my hopes up. I hate our Immigration Law course.

I described the professor to another student as follows: “He looks like he was a big football player in high school and still has season tickets to watch the team play.” Hence, his nickname: Professor Jacque Strap. This could be overlooked if he weren’t so incredibly incompetent. Seriously, if he makes half the mistakes in advising his clients as he does in lecture, he must commit malpractice eighteen times a day on average. I’m sorry, but if I can spot glaring errors in his lecture after a couple of months working at an immigration law firm, there is a serious problem in his knowledge. Apparently, he can’t even read a statute and understand the words—and a very straightforward statute at that!—because he insisted in a previous class that a certain status rendered you ineligible to attend school while we stared at the subparagraph of the statute that said the opposite.

But now I have a whole new, much more personal reason to hate him: he accused Lasoe of trying to get free legal advice when she dared to ask questions during and after yesterday’s lecture. Personally, I think she should report his sorry self to the administration here. He didn’t accuse the American students of seeking free advice when they asked questions, just Lasoe. And let’s not forget: he’s teaching a class. Taking and answering questions is part of the job; it comes with the territory. And just in case someone out there is thinking, “Well, maybe it’s just a misunderstanding. I’m sure people try to get legal advice for free all the time”, the questions she was asking were to do with visa categories that are utterly unrelated to her current status and, with one small exception, unrelated to any status for which she could be eligible in the near future AND they were to do with the material being (woefully inadequately) covered in that day’s lecture. It’s not like we were talking about asylum and she was asking about how to convert her student visa into permanent residence. Oh, and by the way? If Lasoe were looking for free legal advice, it would be from someone who won't end up getting her deported, not from you!

The intense and burning hatred coming from our side of the room might actually cause him to spontaneously combust.

Things I Wish I'd Known Before Choosing a Law School

Today the law school hosted a presentation on the bar exam for all 3L students. It was, as predicted, basically useless. Here is an outline of the hour long presentation:

I. You have to take the bar exam before you can practice law.
A. It's really hard.
B. And takes a long time.
C. And is only good for the state you take it in.

II. You should take the bar exam right after you graduate.
A. So you don't forget the stuff you learned in law school.
B. And because that's just the way it is.

III. You will have to do a lot of stuff to get ready.
A. Like getting fingerprinted and gathering background information to prove that you're not a psychotic killer or something.
1. No, we won't tell you how to do that.
2. But we will tell you that it's really hard, just to freak you out.
B. You have to pay a lot of money to some company for a bar review course.
1. That doesn't mean that the law school didn't do it's job.
2. Even though it's our job to prepare you to practice law and take the bar exam.
C. You have to apply early.
1. Guess it sucks if you don't know what state you'll get a job in.
2. We really only care about the 70% of you who take the bar in this state.
D. If your grades suck, we'll embarass you by making you go to remedial law school
1. This will be announced by a letter in your student mailbox.

IV. If you have any questions, please see us on your own time.
A. If you can get an appointment.
B. Good luck with that.


But that's not what really piqued my interest. No, what piqued my interest was the offhand remark that if you graduate from an ABA-accredited law school in the state of Wisconsin with a certain GPA, you are not required to take the bar, but are eligible for "diploma privilege" in the state of Wisconsin.

Hmmm... Three years at Marquette or U of Wisconsin, but no bar exam necessary... and if you pass the bar of any state, you can waive into the DC bar... If only I'd known this before I picked my law school based on the amount of scholarship money they threw at me!

Probably Not the Message Intended

In Commercial Transactions, we are talking about the Statute of Frauds. One exception to the requirements of the statute of frauds involves specially manufactured goods that are so specific to the buyer that the seller would be unable in the ordinary course of business to sell them to another seller. I immediately thought about a catalog that the Marketing Director at my last job before law school brought into my office for a laugh one afternoon. As the marketing director, she was constantly getting samples and catalogs of schwag that could be customized with our company logo to be handed out at conferences or trade shows. I often discussed selection of these items with Cee, trying to pick out things that were more interesting than another stupid ballpoint pen, but still low-cost.

This particular catalog looked just like every other catalog at first glance. Then I realized why Cee was snickering and waiting for a reaction from me. It wasn’t that secret pornographic images had been inserted into the pages of the catalog or that they’d started selling personalized condoms or something. No, it was because a great many of the photographs showed items that were emblazoned with the Enron logo. My guess is that the catalog had been produced just before the scandal broke and the company felt that it would be too expensive or take too much time to remove the images and replace them with less notorious company logos. But I have to tell you, in a way, it seemed like the message being sent was “Buy our products and you will be just as successful as Enron!” Which, may, in fact, have been the intended subtext for the initial choice of the Enron items as examples, but took on a whole different connotation by the time the entry actually came out.