By the Numbers

Number of minutes in line at the post office: 74

Number of postal employees visible behind the counter: 4

Number of postal employees doing work behind the counter: 3

Number of postal employees talking on the phone, complaining about how busy it was: 1

Number of stations selling stamps only: 1

Ratio of customers in that line to customers in the “general post office stuff” line: 1:10

Number of stamp vending machines available in the lobby: 0

Number of highly-touted self-serve mailing stations available in lobby: 1

Number of highly-touted self-serve mailing stations actually in working order: 0

Number of packages being mailed to various countries by two Slavic men at one of the two “general postal stuff” stations: approximately 150

Number of customs forms said Slavic men had filled out prior to approaching the counter: 0

Number of minutes this transaction tied up one of the two employees: approximately 45

Level of stress etched on the face of the remaining postal employee: extremely high

Number of times the ten year old in line behind me asked her mom why people wanted to buy 2 cent stamps: I stopped counting at 1,000

Number of times the mother explained that the price to mail a letter had increased two cents, in increasingly simpler terms: 900 or so, before she started saying “I just explained that to you.”

Number of times I had to stifle the urge to throttle the ten year old girl in line behind me: 879

Number of times someone in line complained that the line was so long: 59,395

Number of times I wondered if my car was being ticketed for an expired meter, given that this errand was taking about five times longer than I expected: 59

Likelihood that Parking Enforcement in Our Fair City might show mercy to cars parked near the post office: very, very low

Number of packages I needed to mail: 2

Number of pounds these packages weighed: 5.3

Amount of rate increase for Delivery Confirmation: 15 cents

Number of two cent stamps I purchased: 6

Number of parking tickets on my window when I returned to the car: 0

Distance between my car and the car who pulled in behind my parking spot: 4 inches

Number of times I had to reverse and pull forward to wiggle out of the spot: 3

Number of times I bumped the car in front of me: 0

Number of times I bumped the car behind me: 0

Number of times I mentally sang “We are the Champions”: 1