Hint: Creepy is not the Same as Spooky

One of our neighbors has set up a fake graveyard in his yard. It has a skeleton "climbing" out of the ground, spooky lighting, and the gravestones have funny sayings on them. One of them, however, creeps me out every time I drive by the house. All it says on it is "Here Lies Kristen. Hope He Was Worth It."

I Can Haz Strss Rileef Nao?

The past few weeks at work have been extremely stressful. So, in an attempt to share a little levity with you, here some kittehs that made me laugh out loud fur reelz:

Pet Peeve

If you, as a speaker, want to lose my goodwill in an instant, just start your speech like this:

"Good Morning!"
[Pause for audience to respond]
"Hmmm, that wasn't very good. Let's try again./ (alternatively) I can't heeeeear you.

GOOD MORNING!"

[Pause for louder response]

"That's better!"

I promise you, I will be too busy trying to kill you with the hot firey hate in my eyes to listen to anything you have to say.

Best. Voicemail. Ever.

I'm at work, about midway through the morning, and my phone rings. I am in the middle of something, so I don't answer it, and it goes to voicemail. When I get to a stopping point a few minutes later, I call up the voicemail so that I can see if it's something that must be handled immediately, or if I can deal with it later. The message, which is timestamped 10:46 a.m., is 7.7 seconds long:

"Katze! It's Todd! It's 8:46 a.m.!" *Click*

Who is Todd? I don't know. Why is he calling me? I don't know. How can I reach him to ask these two questions, and maybe even to answer a question or two of his own? I don't know. He sounds pretty chipper, so maybe he's calling with good news. At any rate, I do know what time it is. In another time zone.

I Pretended It Was an Interview for Some Cool TV Show

Stole this one from Paca
1. What are your nicknames?
Ash usually calls me some variation on cat. Other than that, I don't really have any nicknames.

2. What game show and/or reality show would you like to be on?
Everyone is always all hot for me to be on Jeopardy, but I really don't think I would enjoy it. However, I would love to be on What Not to Wear. At least I think I would. $5,000 worth of clothes plus some advice on how to dress now that I'm too old for the trendy stuff and too pudgy for the tight stuff would be great. But then, I'm not sure if I want to be told how horribly I dress.

3. What was the first movie you bought in VHS or DVD?

I haven't the vaguest idea. I know what the first CD I ever bought was, though: Cosmic Thing

4. What is your favorite scent?
Fall. That crisp, smoky smell in the air is my favorite smell. Also, the back of Ash's neck. That's my favorite smell for real. But it seemed a little too goopy to say that. Then I decided, screw you people, I love my husband and I'm not afraid to be goopy about it! For our anniversary, we got a card that said something like "She looked at him. He looked at her. And everybody who saw that look threw up a little." And it was funny because it's true!

5. If you had a million dollars that you could only spend on yourself, what would you do with it?
Pay off all of my debts, buy a house, buy a Prius, buy a new wardrobe. In that order.

6. What one place have you visited that you can't forget and want to go back to?
Iceland, hands down. But Finland is a really close second.


7. Do you trust easily?
Sort of. I tend to believe that people are trustworthy once I meet them. But I obviously have some trust issue somewhere, or it wouldn't be so scary for me to meet new people.

8. Do you generally think before you act, or act before you think?
Generally I think waaaaaay too much before I act, but I don't think enough before I talk.

9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days?
Money. I hate Sallie Mae with a burning passion that I cannot explain.

10. Do you have a good body image?
Yes, but also no. I say yes because I'm always shocked when I see myself in pictures. I think I look much thinner than I actually am. And I say no because I am generally dissatisfied with my body.

11. What is your favorite fruit?
Hm. Pears, I think. I like fruit in general, but I like certain things at certain times, or in certain forms. For example, I like bananas with yogurt and honey on them. I like fresh oranges, but I hate orange flavored things. I like blackberries when they are cooked in any form, but hate them fresh. Pears, however, are good no matter what. They're nice when they're fresh, delicious when baked, lovely when they appear together with other things, they make a really great juice, I like pear flavored things... So, yes, my favorite fruit must be the pear.

12. What websites do you visit daily?
Gmail. I visit Luneray, Sonja, Paca, and Melissa on an almost-daily basis.

13. What have you been seriously addicted to lately?
Pumpkin. It's that time of year! My team at work went to Dairy Queen this past week to celebrate the end of the federal fiscal year, and I had a pumpkin pie blizzard. It was so. pumpkiny. I mentally did a Homer Simpson drool when I took the first bite.

14. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
Well, I guess I would have to mostly echo Paca. I was untagged, but I think Paca is the kind of funny-smart person who doesn't take himself seriously, but is always thinking seriously about something cool.

15. What's the last song that got stuck in your head?
You know those stupid Swiffer commercials with the singing mop and broom? "Baby come BACK! You can blame it all on meeeeeee!"

16. What's your favorite item of clothing?
My black fleece pajama bottoms. So warm, so snuggly, so comfy. I actually wore them to the Bar Exam the second time, looking to hang on to some sort of mental haven. I will be so horribly sad when they finally wear out.

17. Do you think Rice Krispies are yummy?
Yes, which is a crying shame since eating them will kill me now.

18. What would you do if you saw $100 lying on the ground?
It would depend on the situation. If I could figure out who it belonged to, or figure out a way to get it back to the person it belonged to, I would do everything possible to get the money to its rightful owner. If I saw it laying on the ground in the middle of an empty field with no one around, and no way of knowing or learning who it belonged to, I would probably keep it. But I would not spend it immediately, because it would probably take me awhile to sort through the ethical implications of spending someone else's money.

19. What items could you not go without during the day?
Coffee and books.

20. What should you be doing right now?
Cleaning up this pit of an apartment, going to the gym, doing laundry, and grocery shopping.