Warning! Danger, Will Robinson!
Verbatim (with identifying details omitted) from a posting for a part time job:
Yes this is the same company, posting the same job again.I see why the women I hired were looking for a job in the first place.
I need a woman to be my secretary and personal assistant. We are a small electrical contractor. You would be responsible for re-organizing our office to your taste, help make us more efficient, pay our bills, balance checking accounts, filing, faxing, expenses, data entry, determine total job costs on jobs we finish, opening and dealing with all mail, keeping office clean, helping occasionally with bids due, you handle all my personal bills as well, calling in our payroll, feeding the office cats when I am out of town, like I said, it is a secretary/perosnal assistant position.
Computer skills are a must, previous office experience a bonus, especially if it is with a construction company of any type.
If you have a new born baby you want to bring to work with its play pen, don't bother, if you have a jealous boyfriend who will get upset and make you quit if I take you to lunch with me instead of leaving you sit in the office by yourself, don't apply, if you do not have use of all 10 fingers, keep browsing, if you think you are going to steal from me, think again, if you are going to have a different excuse why you need to leave early every single day, lose this add, if you are going to be out drinking until 4 am and need 2 days to recover when I really need you, then get a job at a bar, if you are not going to show up for work, then avoid my calls, good luck keeping your next job, if you live 50 miles away, find something closer to your home.
I know I sound like a bitter old man, that is not the case, I am in my 30's, and I am just tired of people wasting my time. I am trying to run a business, not waste time with unreliable, irresponsible people, I am not a baby sitter. This is a very casual job, my office is my living room, you dress how ever you want, you can have the TV on while you work as long as you work, the hours are flexible, you have 2 cats to keep you company, I am very easy to get along with, I am just tired of women costing me time from the work I need to do with their lies, and lack of responsibility.
The job is typically Mon-Wed-Fri 8:30-4, but it is best at first that it be 5 days a week until you get settled in. These times are flexible to a point. An outgoing personality is a plus, because somedays I will be in the office with you all day, and I am a talker, other times you will not see me all week.
Please send me a resume of any type, either by email or faxing to 555-WAR-NING and then please call me afterwards at my office- the number is also 555-BIG-JERK or my cell at 555-DONT-DOIT. Thank you- ProblemBoss
Let's play Spot the Warning Signs, shall we?
1. "I see why the women I hired were looking for a job in the first place."
He's already run through multiple women for this position. Also, the first of many instances to come where he places the blame entirely on the other person/ people.
2. "You would be responsible for re-organizing our office to your taste, help make us more efficient, pay our bills, balance checking accounts, filing, faxing, expenses, data entry, determine total job costs on jobs we finish, opening and dealing with all mail, keeping office clean, helping occasionally with bids due, you handle all my personal bills as well, calling in our payroll, feeding the office cats when I am out of town, like I said, it is a secretary/perosnal assistant position."
In other words, you are his bitch. Now, that in and of itself isn't necessarily a bad thing, and is-- to a certain extent-- what a personal assistant does. However, he expects you to run his whole life on a part time basis:
"The job is typically Mon-Wed-Fri 8:30-4, but it is best at first that it be 5 days a week until you get settled in. These times are flexible to a point."
2. a) Also, please note that the lucky applicant will be working in this man's home:
"my office is my living room"
I think it's not an unreasonable prediction that "keep the office clean" will actually mean "be my maid"
3. "if you have a jealous boyfriend who will get upset and make you quit if I take you to lunch with me instead of leaving you sit in the office by yourself, don't apply"
What if your secretary/personal assistant doesn't WANT to eat lunch with you?
My guess, based on the combination of the comment above, plus this: "somedays I will be in the office with you all day, and I am a talker,", plus my own experience? This man a) is very needy, b) will expect you to be his friend, his mother, and his admirer, as well as to stroke his ego contantly, c) is a sexual harrassment suit waiting to happen.
4. "if you do not have use of all 10 fingers, keep browsing".
Hello, violation of the ADA! (Though I suspect this company may be too small to fall under the Act.)
5. "if you are going to have a different excuse why you need to leave early every single day, lose this add,"
Spelling and punctuation matter!
Also, I would bet that this guy considers leaving at the time your shift ends to be "leaving early". After all, your job-- and his needs!-- should be so important to you that you will be willing to work as many hours as he thinks are necessary on any given day. Then, when you try to collect the pay you deserve, he'll claim that he only agreed to pay you for an eight hour day. So you'll resolve to walk out the door the minute your paid work day ends and he'll fire you for "having a different excuse why you need to leave early every single day."
6."if you are going to be out drinking until 4 am and need 2 days to recover when I really need you, then get a job at a bar"
Now, again, I have nothing to base this on but my intuition, but I'd bet the real story goes something like "I called at 11 p.m. on Friday and again at 6 a.m. on Saturday and how dare she have a life outside of my needs and whims!"
7. "if you are not going to show up for work, then avoid my calls, good luck keeping your next job"
Hmmm... I wonder if the woman finally just couldn't take your needy crap anymore and quit? And then you made abusive and harrassing calls until she had to start screening you out via caller id?
8. "you have 2 cats to keep you company,"
I bet the place reeks of cat urine and is covered in cat fur. Oh, and part of "keep the office clean" is guaranteed to mean "clean the litterbox because I can't be bothered".
9. "I am not a baby sitter"
Translation: "I will not train you. You are expected to read my mind and learn everything there is to know about my industry and my company by osmosis or to simply have been born with the knowledge."
10. "I am very easy to get along with, I am just tired of women costing me time from the work I need to do with their lies, and lack of responsibility."
Again, he places the blame squarely on the other people. And the fact that he harps on the secretary being female all of the time makes me suspect that he's also a misogynist or at least a chauvinist who thinks that women belong in such subordinate roles. Also? Women are liars. And irresponsible.
I mean, he's so easy to get along with! Such a fun guy! Hey, let me hit you with a clue by four: if every woman you hire "cost[s] [you] time from the work [you] need to do", maybe the problem is YOU!
Also? Anyone who needs to specify in their employment ad that they are easy to get along with, isn't. At least 90% of the time. BTW, kids, this is a great tip for personal ads and roommate interviews!
11. "An outgoing personality is a plus, because somedays I will be in the office with you all day, and I am a talker, other times you will not see me all week."
Translation?
" You will never be able to find me when you need me. If there is a problem on the job site, or an angry creditor calls because I don't take care of my payables, my cell phone will mysteriously lose its signal. However, if you are busy, I will suddenly be in the office all day. You will never get any work done when I am there because I will never shut up and your day will be taken up with pretending to marvel over how awesome I am. I will probably tell stories that are inappropriate for the workplace, and if you object or complain, then you will be fired for not having an "outgoing personality". Also, when you haven't accomplished the 50 hours worth of work I want done in the 20 or so hours I'm willing to pay for, I will yell at you and eventually fire you for being "lazy"."
I would love, love to hear the other side of this story. I bet the tales his previous secretaries/ personal assistants would tell are illuminating to say the least.
I need a woman to be my secretary and personal assistant. We are a small electrical contractor. You would be responsible for re-organizing our office to your taste, help make us more efficient, pay our bills, balance checking accounts, filing, faxing, expenses, data entry, determine total job costs on jobs we finish, opening and dealing with all mail, keeping office clean, helping occasionally with bids due, you handle all my personal bills as well, calling in our payroll, feeding the office cats when I am out of town, like I said, it is a secretary/perosnal assistant position.
Computer skills are a must, previous office experience a bonus, especially if it is with a construction company of any type.
If you have a new born baby you want to bring to work with its play pen, don't bother, if you have a jealous boyfriend who will get upset and make you quit if I take you to lunch with me instead of leaving you sit in the office by yourself, don't apply, if you do not have use of all 10 fingers, keep browsing, if you think you are going to steal from me, think again, if you are going to have a different excuse why you need to leave early every single day, lose this add, if you are going to be out drinking until 4 am and need 2 days to recover when I really need you, then get a job at a bar, if you are not going to show up for work, then avoid my calls, good luck keeping your next job, if you live 50 miles away, find something closer to your home.
I know I sound like a bitter old man, that is not the case, I am in my 30's, and I am just tired of people wasting my time. I am trying to run a business, not waste time with unreliable, irresponsible people, I am not a baby sitter. This is a very casual job, my office is my living room, you dress how ever you want, you can have the TV on while you work as long as you work, the hours are flexible, you have 2 cats to keep you company, I am very easy to get along with, I am just tired of women costing me time from the work I need to do with their lies, and lack of responsibility.
The job is typically Mon-Wed-Fri 8:30-4, but it is best at first that it be 5 days a week until you get settled in. These times are flexible to a point. An outgoing personality is a plus, because somedays I will be in the office with you all day, and I am a talker, other times you will not see me all week.
Please send me a resume of any type, either by email or faxing to 555-WAR-NING and then please call me afterwards at my office- the number is also 555-BIG-JERK or my cell at 555-DONT-DOIT. Thank you- ProblemBoss
Let's play Spot the Warning Signs, shall we?
1. "I see why the women I hired were looking for a job in the first place."
He's already run through multiple women for this position. Also, the first of many instances to come where he places the blame entirely on the other person/ people.
2. "You would be responsible for re-organizing our office to your taste, help make us more efficient, pay our bills, balance checking accounts, filing, faxing, expenses, data entry, determine total job costs on jobs we finish, opening and dealing with all mail, keeping office clean, helping occasionally with bids due, you handle all my personal bills as well, calling in our payroll, feeding the office cats when I am out of town, like I said, it is a secretary/perosnal assistant position."
In other words, you are his bitch. Now, that in and of itself isn't necessarily a bad thing, and is-- to a certain extent-- what a personal assistant does. However, he expects you to run his whole life on a part time basis:
"The job is typically Mon-Wed-Fri 8:30-4, but it is best at first that it be 5 days a week until you get settled in. These times are flexible to a point."
2. a) Also, please note that the lucky applicant will be working in this man's home:
"my office is my living room"
I think it's not an unreasonable prediction that "keep the office clean" will actually mean "be my maid"
3. "if you have a jealous boyfriend who will get upset and make you quit if I take you to lunch with me instead of leaving you sit in the office by yourself, don't apply"
What if your secretary/personal assistant doesn't WANT to eat lunch with you?
My guess, based on the combination of the comment above, plus this: "somedays I will be in the office with you all day, and I am a talker,", plus my own experience? This man a) is very needy, b) will expect you to be his friend, his mother, and his admirer, as well as to stroke his ego contantly, c) is a sexual harrassment suit waiting to happen.
4. "if you do not have use of all 10 fingers, keep browsing".
Hello, violation of the ADA! (Though I suspect this company may be too small to fall under the Act.)
5. "if you are going to have a different excuse why you need to leave early every single day, lose this add,"
Spelling and punctuation matter!
Also, I would bet that this guy considers leaving at the time your shift ends to be "leaving early". After all, your job-- and his needs!-- should be so important to you that you will be willing to work as many hours as he thinks are necessary on any given day. Then, when you try to collect the pay you deserve, he'll claim that he only agreed to pay you for an eight hour day. So you'll resolve to walk out the door the minute your paid work day ends and he'll fire you for "having a different excuse why you need to leave early every single day."
6."if you are going to be out drinking until 4 am and need 2 days to recover when I really need you, then get a job at a bar"
Now, again, I have nothing to base this on but my intuition, but I'd bet the real story goes something like "I called at 11 p.m. on Friday and again at 6 a.m. on Saturday and how dare she have a life outside of my needs and whims!"
7. "if you are not going to show up for work, then avoid my calls, good luck keeping your next job"
Hmmm... I wonder if the woman finally just couldn't take your needy crap anymore and quit? And then you made abusive and harrassing calls until she had to start screening you out via caller id?
8. "you have 2 cats to keep you company,"
I bet the place reeks of cat urine and is covered in cat fur. Oh, and part of "keep the office clean" is guaranteed to mean "clean the litterbox because I can't be bothered".
9. "I am not a baby sitter"
Translation: "I will not train you. You are expected to read my mind and learn everything there is to know about my industry and my company by osmosis or to simply have been born with the knowledge."
10. "I am very easy to get along with, I am just tired of women costing me time from the work I need to do with their lies, and lack of responsibility."
Again, he places the blame squarely on the other people. And the fact that he harps on the secretary being female all of the time makes me suspect that he's also a misogynist or at least a chauvinist who thinks that women belong in such subordinate roles. Also? Women are liars. And irresponsible.
I mean, he's so easy to get along with! Such a fun guy! Hey, let me hit you with a clue by four: if every woman you hire "cost[s] [you] time from the work [you] need to do", maybe the problem is YOU!
Also? Anyone who needs to specify in their employment ad that they are easy to get along with, isn't. At least 90% of the time. BTW, kids, this is a great tip for personal ads and roommate interviews!
11. "An outgoing personality is a plus, because somedays I will be in the office with you all day, and I am a talker, other times you will not see me all week."
Translation?
" You will never be able to find me when you need me. If there is a problem on the job site, or an angry creditor calls because I don't take care of my payables, my cell phone will mysteriously lose its signal. However, if you are busy, I will suddenly be in the office all day. You will never get any work done when I am there because I will never shut up and your day will be taken up with pretending to marvel over how awesome I am. I will probably tell stories that are inappropriate for the workplace, and if you object or complain, then you will be fired for not having an "outgoing personality". Also, when you haven't accomplished the 50 hours worth of work I want done in the 20 or so hours I'm willing to pay for, I will yell at you and eventually fire you for being "lazy"."
I would love, love to hear the other side of this story. I bet the tales his previous secretaries/ personal assistants would tell are illuminating to say the least.
Labels: TPS Reports and The Bobs
posted by katze @ 10:18 AM
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