My Road Sister Name Was Angelique LaFroufrou

Five or Six years ago, Julio and I were Christmas shopping together at The Yuppie Mall in our hometown. We wandered into The Nature Company to look for a gift for Finbar, which degenerated into us poking around picking up things that we’d like to have for ourselves—if we had any money to buy them, that is. Being the addict that I am, I eventually ended up in their book section where, wedged in between the think volumes on polar bears and the paperbacks about astronomy, I found a copy of “The Bad Girl’s Guide to the Open Road”. It was hot pink vinyl and I found myself compelled to flip it open to see what on earth someone would want to encase with hot pink vinyl that a buyer for The Nature Company would think should be stocked in their store.

It combined things like lists of tips (“Things to do with pantyliners: use to insulate a hot coffee cup so that it doesn’t burn your inner thighs, wipe off dipstick after checking your oil, clean the inside of the windshield...”) with practical advice (how to check your fluid levels, what to do if you run out of gas in the middle of nowhere) and anecdotes about girl power road trips so that you and your “raging road sisters” can hit the open road in your own beat up Thunderbird and shed the stress of your everyday life.

At last, a book that speaks to my inner Bad Girl!

We were, in fact, so inspired by the book that we planned a road trip to celebrate our graduation from college. My host sister from Germany and her best friend flew over to join us and we spent three weeks tooling around on the East Coast. It was a good experience—but there were lots of bad experiences in between. We violated several of the rules laid out in the Hot Pink Vinyl Bible and paid for it down the road. But it was a great trip anyway. Maybe we should do it again after I finish law school...

But I digress.

Last month, I went into Barnes and Noble to return a book that I’d gotten twice for Christmas. Browsing around for something to spend my store credit on, I came across a “Bad Girls Guide to 2005” calendar (or whatever the actual title is), which is one of those daily rip-off-yesterday’s-page calendars. I’ve definitely felt the need to get in touch with my inner Bad Girl lately and this calendar is going to be my inspiration.

It’s already given me a boost with tips on how to get fired from a boring job (“Do an interpretive dance every time you wait for the elevator or copy machine, Leave all voice mails in rhyming couplets, Act out the instructions on the fax machine or fire extinguisher like an airline stewardess”—I can’t wait to get a summer job!), Power Steering a Bad Date (“Your date is 45 minutes late...PERSONAL WORST= When he finally shows up, you wave, smile politely, and act like nothing is wrong...PERSONAL BEST=You enjoy a pricey meal alone and hand him the bill when he arrives. Be sure to wave and smile as you walk out!”) and mini-biographies of Famous Bad Girls (Dorothy Parker, Alice Walker, Eleanor Roosevelt).