Your Call is Important to Us

One of my friends at work has the unfortunate job of returning customer calls routed to our department from my company's 1-800 number. It's not that the calls are particularly onerous or time-consuming-- she only gets a handful a day. It's more the occasional crazy that pops up from time to time.

For example...

A gentleman left a voicemail saying "My name is Unstable McNeedsadrink. Please return my call at 893 555-1234." No other information to indicate why he was calling, what company he was calling from, or anything else. This happens more frequently than you might imagine. Apparently people think we're just a small mom and pop shop with a handful of customers that we all know by name. Let's just say that we're no Microsoft,but we are the largest company in our industry.

If someone's going to help Mr. Needsadrink with whatever he needs help with, a little detective work is in order. So my coworker dials his number, intending to find out what he wants and re-route him to the appropriate person.

"Hello, this is Kristen Reed calling from My Company. I'm returning your call from earlier--"

[Mr. Needsadrink interrupts] "Take me off your list"

"I'm sorry?"

"I don't want whatever you're selling. Take me off your list."

"Oh, this is not a sales call, you --"

[Mr. Needsadrink interrupts angrily] " I TOLD YOU TO TAKE ME OFF YOUR LIST!" [slams down the phone]

Kristen is just waiting for the day when he calls back to yell at someone because "no one is returning his calls".