Having My Say (by Jenna)

That woman who feeds me is very strange.

Today, for example, she keeps muttering "I swear to God, Jenna, if you keep this up, I'm going to lose it."

I don't know what "it" is, exactly, but I wish I did, because then I would totally hide "it". The Human (being of inferior intellect) would be unable to find it, and therefore think that she'd lost "it". I'm not sure exactly what will happen, but it seems like it would be might be pretty fun to see.

Also, the quality of service around here has really suffered lately. My food is being deposited unceremoniously at random times of the day instead of poured lovingly into its dish every morning after Food Lady makes her coffee. And not one of the cans that have been opened lately has contained tuna. I'm also missing many of my daily massages. (On a side note, the woman who feeds me insists on calling it "petting", as though I'm some sort of dog that needs affection. As if!) In fact, the Bearer of Food hasn't been around much at all lately.

And even worse, when she is here, she's often accompanied by... him. Words cannot express my disgust with the giant pinkface she keeps bringing over here. He follows me around, tries to touch me with his filthy hands, squirts me with water for no reason at all, and then has the nerve to take my spot in bed. Ohhhh, how I hate him! Yet nothing I do seems to get rid of him. I've even gone to the trouble of learning to articulate in those strange sounds they use to communicate, but the loudest and clearest "NO!" I can muster just makes the two of them laugh. What on Earth is wrong with them? It's even in their own language!

Stupid humans.