Ways My Brain is Trying to Trick Me Into Not Studying For Exams

1. Trying to convince me that I’m hungry.
I can tell it’s not real hunger because a) I just ate about 5 lbs. of eggs and meat for breakfast less than three hours ago, and b) I’m hungry for things that I don’t normally eat, specifically potato chips and Twinkies.

2. Making me obsess over the cleanliness of my apartment.
I’ve actually had to leave my apartment for the weekend because I could tell that otherwise, I was going to clean the holy crap out of it. It’s in dire need of a top to bottom scrubbing, especially in the kitchen. I actually had to go out and buy paper plates and plastic cutlery because I don’t have time to do dishes. In fact, after putting food on the stove and then utterly forgetting that I had done so twice in one day, I’ve banned myself from all cooking that involves anything other than the microwave until exams are over.

3. Developing a taste for low-brow comedy and other things I don’t normally enjoy
If it’s on TV right now, I’d probably not only watch it, but I’d enjoy it, even if it’s something starring Tara Reid, whose very existence makes me want to vomit a little in my mouth. Even if it’s the Lord of the Rings. Even if it’s the second evening in a row I’ve watched parts of the Lord of the Rings on TV to avoid studying.

4. Remembering all sorts of little things I need to get done.
Christmas presents not yet finished... must buy for Dad and Sister... must get new copy of transcript... must buy yarn for Nicole’s scarf... must do laundry before I run out of underwear... must back up files from this semester... must get haircut, maybe I should see Donna when I go home for Christmas... must decide what to take for final class this semester... must pack for trip home... must dig suitcases out of closet to pack for trip home... must return backpack to Mary... must send Christmas cards... must write Christmas cards to send...

5. Making me obsess over certain foods
This is closely related to number 1, supra, but not exactly the same. For example, I cannot at this very moment stop thinking about chocolate. It’s not so much that I’m hungry as it is that I want to nosh on a little bit of dark chocolate. And I can practically taste it, feel it melting on my tongue. So my mind keeps wandering back to my backpack, wondering if I still have a couple of pieces of chocolate left, but knowing that it’s a moot point anyway because my backpack is at home and I am not.

You know what else would be good right now? Pancakes. With blueberries and whipped cream. Fresh blueberries, though, not like blueberry pie filling or blueberry flavored syrup.


6. Instilling in me the urge to go out in the snow.
I hate snow. Why on Earth do I want to go out and catch snowflakes on my tongue or tramp around in the new snowdrifts? Because I don’t want to study for exams, that’s why.

7. Causing me to overestimate the amount of time I have for preparation and underestimate the amount of material I have yet to prepare.
I am dead for the two closed book exams. Dead. And that’s only if I don’t die of the first take home exam.