Security Breach

When I walked into the student lounge this afternoon, dripping wet thanks to the torrential downpour that is the remnants of Hurricane Frances, I was mildly surprised to see the Dean of Students perched on the back of one of the couches. He doesn’t normally hang out with us students. As I got closer to the couches on my way to my locker to drop off my dripping umbrella, I could see Mean Registrar Lady sitting at a table in front of the couch with a box in front of her. At that moment, I came within view of the locker bay and noticed the large signs notifying us that “For Security Reasons, Locker Combinations will be changed between 12:45 and 4:00 this afternoon. Please See the Registrar For Your new combination at the table in the Student Lounge.” This part was in 32 pt. font. Underneath, in 12 pt., italicized font, it said, “See email from Dean Happy for more information.”

I walked over to the table and got my new combination (my second new one in as many weeks, since my locker was supposedly given a new lock over the summer), put my stuff away amid much joking with others trying to get into their lockers, and came up to the classroom. Class didn’t start for another half-hour or so, so I plugged in and pulled up my email. The email from Dean Happy was a work of art—hedging and hemming and hawing so that no real information was communicated. The official story is that “a list of some locker combinations was misplaced”. The word on the street is that it was stolen from the administration office. I’m sure in another day or two, the story will involve an armed hold-up and the subsequent theft of thousands of dollars worth of possessions from the lockers.