Potty Training 101

Every single student and teacher in this building is a college-educated adult. Many of them even have graduate degrees. There is no reason on God’s green earth why I should ever, ever walk into a toilet and find it unflushed with a urine-splashed seat.

Ladies! For the love of all that is good, either sit your precious tush on the toilet seat (and I promise, you won’t catch Toilet Seat Disease, or whatever it is that you fear) or if you absolutely must hover while you pee, take 10 seconds to turn around and check to see if you sprinkled a little bit. If the answer to that question is yes, then for Cripe’s sake, WIPE IT OFF! No one wants to sit on your cold urine, and not all of us want to (or are able to) hover over the toilet. Furthermore, there is not any reason on earth why you should not flush the toilet when you are finished. Do you leave toilets full of urine sitting in your bathroom at home?

And you, girl who was in the stall next to me, get back here and wash your hands! Were you raised in a barn? And no, you weren’t just adjusting your clothes or something. I could hear you, I could hear your toilet flush (thank you for that, though), I assume that your hand(s) came into contact with either your private girl parts or the germy toilet handle or possibly even some form of bodily excretion. What is wrong with you? Do you want to spread germs to everyone who touches door handles/ desks/ computer terminals/ bannisters after you? I mean, there are some people here who make me feel tempted to resort to biological warfare or other forms of violence, but being a decent human being prevents me from actually acting on those urges.