Bad Bumper Stickers

It was not a good day for bumper sticker philosophers in Our Fair City. On my morning commute, I was stuck behind an enormous pickup truck bearing the very dumb and illogical statement "Get my flag off of your foreign car". First of all? That big ol' truck you're driving? Is burning up foreign oil at the rate of between 9 and 14 miles per gallon, according to the manufacturer's website. And that foreign car that has the audacity to sport "your" flag was very likely assembled here in the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave and your "American" car was quite likely assembled from parts made in Mexico. It's called globalization and it's an inescapable fact of modern life.

Then we come to the tougher questions of philosophy here. Just who the hell do you think you are, claiming the flag of the United States of America for your own? What makes you think that you have the right to dictate who has the right to claim allegiance or affinity to that flag on any basis, let alone the basis of what kind of car they drive? And really, what is it that the patriotic among us say that the flag stands for? Freedom. Seems just a little contradictory to me that you might try to refuse someone the right to wave the flag of freedom just because you don't like their car.

And then, on the afternoon commute, we have this nonsensical and self-righteous gem from the other end of the political spectrum: "I'm already against the next war". What? That doesn't even make sense. Oh, wait. I guess you're trying to say that you're a pacifist and believe that there is no such thing as a just war. Fine. I think you're flat out wrong about that, but we could agree to disagree... but still. Shouldn't you wait until you know what you're protesting before you open your mouth to protest it? Otherwise you just dilute your message and start to sound like the teacher in a Peanuts TV special wahwah wah wah wah.

I can't wait for my shorter commute with no tunnel traffic. If I'm not stuck dragging along at 15 mph behind the same irritating bumper sticker for 10 or 15 minutes at a stretch, then maybe they won't cause my blood pressure to skyrocket.