This Is Seriously Trying My Need For Instant Gratification

I need new glasses. The frames for the ones I have now are five years old. I've had the lenses replaced twice, and I like them just fine, as far as these things go, but they are starting to show their age. The temple screw on one side keeps falling out, the earpieces are getting worn, and the enamel is chipped in a couple of places. Then, my latest eye exam showed a small change in my prescription, and since I didn't get new lenses after last year's small change, I am now in need of new glasses.

I am a picky, picky glasses chooser. I can't quantify exactly what it is that I want in a frame; it's always a case of "I know it when I see it." And the past several pairs of glasses were exactly like that: a beam of light shone down on them while an angel choir sang "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!", and I knew. So far, I've always been right, in that I like them enough to not only wear them (and I am a vain, vain person, who believes in her heart of heart that my eyes are my best feature, so you know I must like them if I'm willing to obstruct the view of my eyes), but also to keep them. In the past ten years, I've had three frames (and a lot more sets of lenses-- my eyes have gotten just a leeetle worse every year since, um, I was born). I am also a very patient shopper. I will look at every frame in the store if necessary, at multiple stores, and I write down the identifying information on any pair that I think is a contender. I get quotes. And I bargain for discounts, because man glasses are expensive now.

I've already been shopping for these new glasses since I walked out of the eye doctor's office on December 30th, and I've been pretty disappointed in the selection of eyewear available this season. Those half rimmed styles that are so popular right now look cute on the rack, but they all, regardless of material or color, look like Groucho Marx glasses on me. I tried on a million round plastic frames that were too Lisa Loeb, and a few hundred thousand wire rims that are too middle-aged, and I only found one pair of Kate Spade frames that incited lukewarm interest... and since, being Kate Spade, these frames were also in the neighborhood of $400, lukewarm wasn't nearly good enough.

On Saturday, Ash and I were at the mall, looking for a winter coat for him. He has a fairly specific coat in mind: double breasted, trench coat length, and very warm, and apparently that is just asking too much-- at least, if you're not shopping in Stockholm, anyway. I dragged him into the JC Penney optical department along the way, and started trying on one pair of frames after another. The saleswoman drifted over and immediately started telling me that every pair of glasses I put on looked beautiful on me. It didn't come across as intentionally insincere; in fact, it felt more like JC Penney trained her to do it and she's just earnestly trying to do what they told her to do, but it was still vaguely irritating. Still, despite the useless feedback, I found a pair that I really love. They're red and chunky, but not Lisa Loeb-y, and they're definitely a bit of a change from the purpleish wire frames I've been wearing. And best of all, they were cheap, cheap, cheap! The only downside? They'll take 7 -10 days to arrive.

7 -10 days?? It makes my inner Veruca Salt come screaming out. I want my glasses NOW!